::groove::

The Waiting Game

2005-02-21T15:12:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'm checking my e-mail every 5 minutes....actually....I am. I'm looking for an e-mail from a boy...actually he isn't a boy at all...he's a man...a real man. Mmm. He's way too old for me and I know he's messed/is messing around with one of my friends...but man...I totally dig the attention. He's the one that went out of his way to talk to me...and he isn't making sexual advances...although I have a feeling if we ever actually hung out...there just might be a few sexual advances. I'm just going with the flow....I'm just waiting to see what happens.

But I won't deny that my tummy has butterflies. I'm like a giddy 12 year old waiting to see if he's going to ask me to the spring dance. Instead of hovering over the phone just waiting for it to ring...I keep hitting the refresh button waiting for a new e-mail message to appear.

We've tried to hang out several times in the last month but stuff just keeps coming up. It was irritating at first...I guess it still is...but I'm still willing to try.

The friend thing does throw a kink in everything. But that whole situation is completely dramatic. Does he know that I know that they used to hook up? Are they still hooking up? Do I mention that? Do I not do a thing because they hooked up? Would she hate me if she found out? Do I care??

I had my chance with him once before...but it was years ago...and in my drunken haze my best friend wouldn't let me go home with him. The little angel on one shoulder thanked her for that, the little devil has never forgiven her.

He's just...sexy. He's got that rock star appeal. He's cool...and hip...and in the scene. He knows everybody and they all know him. He's distinguished and hot and just...mmm...sexy.

Yes, I did it. I admit. I just minimized this screen and checked my e-mail...again. nothing. The waiting game...absolutely sucks but I dig the butterflies. =)

.....

2005-02-16T15:43:00.000-05:00

I can't even begin to remember the last time I posted here or what it was about. Does it really matter though?

My life right now is completely and totally blank. There are no boys in the picture. No events on the horizon. I'm merely working and living...just sailing along doing my thing...waiting to see what happens next.

The last time I started thinking to myself "Hmm...I haven't had much drama lately" the floodgates opened. Psycho chicks form my past waltzed back in to my world...the wiring in my apartment went haywire...and there was an extremely inconvenient ice storm in Atlanta. I think I'll keep my karma on the good path by thanking goodness that my blank little life IS drama all in itsself.

There is something to be said for this time of year though. Generally, I hate this time of the year. I hate the cold weather and the overcast skies. But something I'm finding that I do this time of the year is dream...I get these grand ideas of places I want to go and things I want to do and goals I need to set. I always make a plan and I convince myself that it's exactly what I need to be doing and I get all pysched up for it....I jump in head first...but by about mid-August....the plan has faded and I'm off working on some other grand project. Only to find myself dreaming about those same things again the very next February wishing I'd stuck to the plan because I'd have so much acomplished by now. It's a vicious cycle. Really.

I have been pretty gung ho about this whole diet and excercise lifestyle change thing. I gave up carbs. How's that for a fad? But I didn't do Atkins...I did my own thing. And I've come to two very important realizations...1. Carbs are in anything that's any good. 2. Carbs make you feel like shit. It's totally that good vs. evil thing...anything that's good usually has huge amounts of carbs....but if you slip and eat some of those carbs, you end up feeling like shit. The upside to that is that I've only slipped once...today actually...and I didn't really slip. I had a grilled stuffed mushroom and I think it had more bread in it than I realized. I figured that out when most of the afternoon I felt like I slug....and a light bulb went off...'this is how I used to feel everyday!'. It's truly amazing how much the things you eat effect the way you feel. I'm happy to say that I've lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks...and aside from the strange illness I had last week, I'm feeling better than I ever have. But I've also never wanted a margarita and a slice of pizza so bad.... I'm giving it two more weeks...then I think I'm moving on to something else.

So there it is...an update....thrilling! =)

Snippet...

2004-11-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

There once was a time when I looked forward to posting here every day. Just to talk to myself and express some sort of creativity with my words. But now, I just...don't have the time. Thoughts will pop in my head and I think "I should post about this!" but I never do. So for now, you'll have to deal with the randomness of my thoughts. You'll get em when they come.

My most recent Pearl Jam adventure was quite lovely. 2 shows, Asheville & Kissimmee, great seats and great friends. I wish I could have done 10 more! But, that's not how it worked out this time. I love the Seattle girls. They're just so much fun to be around! I'm waiting for pictures...but they haven't surfaced yet. That may be a good thing.

I had a bit of a groupie slump and it really upset me. 2 of my good friends that work for bands were in town...both within a week of each other...both offering tickets and passes...but I, being the cool chick I am, had no one to go with me =(. I couldn't believe that NO ONE wanted to take me up on the offer...don't people usually want to go backstage? I dunno, I didn't get it. But, I decided against enduring the shenanigans all alone. Instead, I hung out at home, promising myself that I must find new friends.

I'm looking for an apartment. They're kicking me out of the one I'm living in now, which I'm quite furious about really. I moved there in January, with the intention of staying for a while. I had just moved back from California, the last thing I wanted to do anytime soon was move. But, they're making me. Apparently they're renovating my apartment complex and they want to renovate my unit. Which is fine, and they'll happily let me move in to an already renovated unit...for $100 more a month! $100! That's insane! Not only do I have to go through the hassle of packing my shit, moving it, and then unpacking it...I have to pay them $100 more a month to do so! I'm getting royally screwed. So I'm on the hunt...I'm searching and searching for an apartment in a nice location at a reasonable price. But you know what I'm finding? There's not any! Everything I'm finding near my apartment, which is the area I'd like to stay in, is just as much, if not more than what they're offering me. Maybe I just had a really good deal before...I dunno. But I'm irked. There's just not that many apartments on the 75 side of Atlanta...unless of course I move to Smyrna or Vinings...and I'm just not diggin on that. I'm going to check out the Howell Mill exit...but I may just have to get used to the idea that it's gonna cost me a fortune to live here. And I don't even like living here! I don't have many friends here and the ones I do have don't ever want to do anything (see paragraph above)! Maybe I'll just move to the damn suburbs...I'm sure I can find a cheap nice place in Marietta! Of course if I'm gonna do that...why not move home? Oh yeah, there's that job that I have that I seem to really love. damn it.

I would just buy a condo. But the Seattle girls are on my case about moving there. And I want to move there, but not yet. I figure I'll give Atlanta another year. I'll see where I stand this time next year and if I'm still not diggin' on this town...I'll high-tail it to the pacific northwest!

Other than that, my life is grand. I'm surrounded by babies! One of my best friends that I grew up with just a had a little girl on Tuesday. My little cousin is getting HUGE and scheduled to pop sometime in December. This weekend I'm going to Birmingham to do the baby thing. Saturday I'm going to see the little newborn and on Sunday I'm going to my little cousin's baby shower. I'm sure they'll all make me feel like an old maid, but that's okay. I don't want a baby any time soon. I'm all about me right now! lol Speaking of me, I've been working out and that really makes me feel better. I joined Curves and have found that I really enjoy the work out. Hopefully this is something I'm going to stick to.

That's about it. A little snippet in to my world. Hopefully you'll get more soon...

More than you wanted to know...

2004-09-25T23:47:00.000-04:00

Is it possible to be so incredibly busy yet utterly bored at the same time?

So much has gone on since the last time I posted, yet the daily routine seems to be so...routine.

I'd be a liar if I said this new position didn't knock me on my ass. Part of me still feels completely underqualified--which I totally am. But I learn something new every day and the decisions are coming to me quicker now. I'm still merely treading water...begging and pleading that I don't sink. The "I'm new in this position" excuse is wearing thin. But while I feel totally lost...in some weird way...it's all together. Nobody else is gonna do it...so I have to.

I did go to San Diego and I was quite afraid of what I might find there. And there certainly were new revelations. Eric picked me up from the airport...and he was so much cuter than I remembered. Every hormone in my body was on fire when he wrapped his arms around me in the airport. Five minutes later we were in his apartment, in his bed doing the same thing we always did. And damn, did I miss that. It was Friday night and he'd already been partying so going out with my friends later ended up being a bad idea. Shot after shot after shot and a few short hours later, Eric was fighting, with the bouncer of the club no less. It took 4 guys to take him down and he spent the rest of the evening in jail. It must be that overwhelming testosterone that gets me cause he's certainly all man. I stayed with my other friends the rest of the weekend. And I was so torn. I knew he was in the wrong..but we'd had such a nice evening together...he was so cute....I really thought he was getting his shit together. Obviously not. I saw him briefly on Saturday. And he didn't call on Sunday. I'm having reoccurring dreams about him...his smell...his hair...his badness. You just don't find sexual chemistry like that every day. But I know he's bad for me...so I must move on. Saturday night I went out with the girls. We went to all of my favorite bars...drank all of my favorite drinks...flirted with boys. Suddenly I was the me of a year ago. I was back in the same place with the same people doing the same thing...yet my world is completely different. It creeped me out. And I was surprised to realize...I wanted to be where I am instead of where I was. Sunday hit me like a ton of bricks. Thoughts were swirling all through my head...I was on vacation damn it! I didn't need to think! But I was in San Diego...where I'd spent so much time thinking before...I guess it just came naturally. I ended up on the phone with him...my ex...Mike. I love that boy and I always will. He holds my heart...and no matter how far I try to run, I know I need him. We talked for hours...about serious stuff and the result? I told him I wanted to try with him again. And he's called me every day since.

I was really glad to be home when I got there. I left that beautiful beach town and that beautiful bad boy and came back to reality. I officially said goodbye to my life in San Diego.

And then there was work. And more work. And more work after that. =D I was stressed. People quit. I interviewed folks. I even ran the entire show for a few days. But we found a new girl...and the puking began.

Actually, when I lived in California almost nightly I would have these severe stomach aches. I spent most evenings curled in a ball in my bed...or over the toilet puking up my brains. Nothing I did would make it stop. The night of Stella's birthday it got so bad that I took myself to the Dr. What'd he say? Gall Stones. What do ya do for em? Get your gall bladder taken out. Great. But I was moving back to the south in a few weeks and he told me to take care of it there.

SO I moved. And they stopped. Pretty much instantly. I assumed it was some spice I was eating out there and didn't think twice about it. Till last week. When the pain started all over again.

Let me back up for a second. Pearl Jam's touring. I believe I mentioned that before. I had tickets to 3 shows. One in Asheville, one in Orlando and one in the great land of Seattle. The Seattle show was a big deal. It was at a tiny tiny club and only about 200 people got tickets. By some great miracle...I got tickets. Out of the thousands and thousands and thousands of people trying for tickets, I was one of the very very few to actually get them. I was in utter shock and I was incredibly excited. I have good friends there (the girls I went to Vegas with), I adore Seattle, it's a Pearl Jam show at a super tiny club...and it's SEATTLE! =D Seriously, this show and this trip was a HUGE deal in my world.

So last week, I'm insanely crazy at work, the new girls just started, and I'm spending my nights in horrible pain and puking my guts up. So finally, last Thursday I broke down and went to the Dr. I knew it was my gall bladder again. I knew I was gonna have to have it out. I thought he'd say..ehh..here's some pills...make an appointment with a surgeon in a few weeks. Nope...test results came back and they wanted me in surgery THE NEXT DAY.

wait.

Surgery the next day. Here's the problems with that:
1. My mom was in Vegas.
2. My trip to Seattle was less than a week away.

I begged and pleaded...nope...ya gotta have it. I went home and cried and cried and cried. What was I going to do? If I had it the next day, there was a better chance that I'd be well enough to go to Seattle the next Thursday...but I'd have to do surgery all alone and take care of myself...all by myself. Or, I could wait till Monday. I'd have my mom there to help take care of me, but the chances of going to Seattle were slim. I cried and cried and cried and then I called my friends in Seattle and told them I wouldn't be making the trip.

I had to be realistic...this is my life...my health...I had to get it done.

So Monday morning, bright and early, I had my gall bladder taken out. Surgery is surgery, I don't remember any of it...=D And the recovery hasn't been that bad. I spent Monday and Tuesday drugged up. But by Wednesday and I was sitting up and doing things on my own and on Thursday afternoon, I went in to the office for a little while. =) And on Friday I was back to work. =) I spent Thursday bawling my eyes out knowing I was missing a great show and a great trip and some great times...but...I had to do what I had to do. My friends all called me from the show yesterday...they bought me posters and t-shirts...and made me feel like part of the night. It wasn't the same, but the most important thing was knowing I have friends that truly care about me. Maybe I didn't get to go to Seattle...but I have Ashville and Orlando in a few weeks...and don't even think I won't be partying my ass off!

So lots of things have gone on in my world...but a lot of nothing at the same time. My routine is the same. And I'm still spending my nights and weekends alone. I'm so sick of not having any friends. I actually tinkered with the idea of moving to Birmingham somewhere between San Diego and Surgery as well. Being over here so alone when I needed surgery made me realize how important it is to be near my family...sometimes 2 hours isn't close enough. But at the same time, I had Seattle on my mind....and knowing what great friends I have there, and how much part of me has always wanted to be there makes me want to move there before I officially settle down. And then there's the Mike factor. What's it mean that he's calling every day? He's supposed to visit in November, I guess we'll see then.

thoughts thoughts thoughts...it seems like they're never ending.

It's not working...

2004-08-11T19:59:00.000-04:00

I post and post...and nothing publishes....grr...

2004-08-11T19:58:00.000-04:00

I don't think my brain has ever been so tired. This new position is so...chaotic! I thought by now I'd have a firm grasp on everything, but it seems to be jsut piling up even more! I don't really want to go into it, but that's really the only excuse I have for not posting. Sorry. My brain hurts.

Vegas was wild. The highlight was my drunken rampage and the $150 I won in the few measely hours I spent at the blackjack table. I'll never ever order a shot with every beer I drink ever again. I ended up puking for hours and wasting a whole day of my vacation in the bed. Oh, and fighting off the boy. I don't dig the boy anymore. Oh well.

Pearl Jam announced some shows, and of course, I'll be attending. My friends are taking the entire week off and going to all 6 shows, but I'll only be attending two--Asheville and Kissimmee. Kisssss-a-ME! ha! I love the name of that place. Hopefully there will be lots of making out. I know of a few Pearl Jam fans I'd like to kiss. =)

I'm also going to San Diego for Labor Day. My old stomping ground. I wonder if it'll make me happy or sad.

I'm going to the beach this weekend. Despite warnings of a Tropical Storm, I'll be heading down with the girls for Martha's birthday. Woo. Should be eventful. =)

My newest toy is a sweet little 40GB iPod. And I must admit, I'm madly in love with The Pod. Anywhere I go...I've got all the tunes I want. She's not anywhere close to full and she already kicks total ass.

I miss Leah.

Catching Up...

2004-08-11T19:54:00.000-04:00

A little break with a much needed recovery I'm sure.

2004-07-14T12:11:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow evening, I'm leaving for Vegas! This is MY vacation. I'm going all out, balls to the walls, and I'm gonna have a blast!

Strangely enough, I'm not really going to Vegas to gamble. Of course I will and of course that's been budgeted in, but that's not so much what I'm looking forward to. I can't wait to see my friends and get all dressed up and hit the town. I can't wait to lay by the pool and maybe even go to the spa! I can't wait for this vacation.

The thing about Pearl Jam tour is that you meet so many people--some you instantly click with and some you don't. But always, by the end of the tour, you have a new group of friends that you share a totally special bond with. When you think of them you smile and you look forward to when you'll be able to do it all over again. This tour I met Sam and Hailey and they have become two of my very best friends. I started writing the story of how we met, but it got so long and complicated that it was completely hard to follow--and I hadn't even gotten to the juicy part yet!

But these girls are the best. Sam and I partied all over New York City this time last year. We ran up bar tabs and flirted with boys and went in limo rides with a random driver that wanted to take me to the Dominican Republic to marry him! ha! =D Last October we hung out in San Francisco and saw some great concerts. We partied in a tee-pee and laughed and cried because the tour was really over. In December I went to visit them in Seattle and we hit the town and met super cute boys! We saw The Rockfords, we gossiped, saw the town and some famous houses too. =D They're really great girls. They're both Southern girls that have moved to Seattle and are trying to recruit me! =D But we understand each other, we dig the same music, we love to party, check out cute boys and have a great time. With them it's ALWAYS a wild night. Always.

So Hailey turned 30 yesterday and in celebration we're all going to Vegas. Five wild, single girls on the town in Vegas. I just can't wait. Being around them knowing all the adventures that we've shared, just makes me smile. It's going to be a blast!

They're all leaving on Sunday and I'm actually going to stay an extra day. My LA boy is coming to visit. I have a feeling I'm adding fuel to the fire, but I figure that this weekend I'll see where we stand. I hate having boys up and down the coast of California. Why the hell can't I have one here?!

Regardless, I should have quite a few interesting stories to tell when I return. Woo! =)

Being Wanted.

2004-07-14T11:40:00.000-04:00

Last night I was speaking to a former co-worker who just so happens to be one of my best (married) friends here in Atlanta. Apparently the company has proposed a promotion to her that she's considering. It would be Head of Sales and Client Relations and a drastic raise, but she's never done sales before. She would be great at it, we all know that, and I'm pretty sure she's going to take it. But out of no where she says "You wouldn't consider coming back would you?"

Wow.

I never thought I'd hear those words. I asked her to elaborate and she explained "We don't even have a Marketing Department. IF I'm going to do sales, I need Marketing."

Well, yeah.

Although I took all the proper steps in quitting that job, I was never well liked around those parts after I left. I never really understood why. Three of my best friends still work there and they understood why I left, but the boss, just hated me. I think it boiled down to the fact that *I* left *him* and how dare I leave him. I think it was immaturity on his part, mainly, but it was still hard for me to accept or understand. And the fact that all of them were still friends with me, just made him hate me even more.

He was a fun boss most of the time. We'd laugh and joke and tell stories, but he could be a real ass. He was all over me all the time for being 3 minutes late in the mornings when I stayed 2 hours after the office closed most nights. He once told me "it'll be a cold day in hell before you get a raise" even though my job duties had doubled and the girl before me in that position made almost twice as much as I did. Just thinking about all of that reminds me of how much I hated that place.

BUT, I did love being surrounded by friends all day everyday. We'd have the best lunches, we'd gossip and send fun e-mails. I really do miss them and miss having a work environment like that. I miss some of my job duties too. I miss doing my company newsletter and planning all of the company outings. I really loved that stuff. I would have it all back and even more, I'm sure. Plus my friend would be my boss and I wouldn't have to deal with him. Wait, I take that back, no matter what I'd have to deal with him. Since I've moved back to Atlanta he has called and apologized to me, but still.

I know none of this would become a reality. I know she just mentioned that in passing. But it put thoughts in my head and led to a wild night of dreams in which I was back there again, living that life and doing that job knowing all of the things that I know now. In a way, I felt like I was at home. It was a comfort zone I suppose. But the same egos and the power trips were there and very evident. And even though I was comfortable there I was reminded of how miserable I was there and how I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. I'm in a different world now where I'm respected and looked up to. Yes, I miss my friends dearly, and I miss having co-workers of my own peer group, but I don't miss that world.

I'm sorry friend, I'd love to be your partner in crime, but I just can't.

It is nice to be wanted though.

Trajectory

2004-07-09T16:28:00.000-04:00

I've spent the last couple of days studying Atlanta real estate. There's a possibility that my lease won't be renewed at the end of the year because they are renovating my apartment complex. They want me out of there so that they can update my apartment. This irritates the HELL out of me. I didn't intend to move at the end of my year lease. If so I wouldn't have forked over a $300 kitty deposit. I've lived in that apartment for 6 months and I am just starting to feel like I'm getting settled in. And next thing you know...I could be moving again.

But if I have to move, where will I move? I know that I should buy into something. I'm throwing away money every month by renting, but where would I buy? And what would I buy? I have a real problem with buying a condo because it's nothing more than apartment...that I own. I take that back. I have a problem with generic condos. I wouldn't mind a killer condo with wild architecture and a great location. And those do exisist in Atlanta, but for like...half a million dollars.

I think I'd like a townhouse. Essentially it's a condo but with a little more of a homey feel. Plus, I'd have my own little backyard to plant flowers and take care of. But, to get one I can afford I have to move way off into the suburbs.

The suburbs. I'm not opposed to them really. But, I think the traffic is WAY worse out there than it is in here. All of my co-workers make fun of me for living "in-town". But when it only takes me 10 minutes to get to work, I laugh at them for driving half an hour in awful traffic. But, I moved to Atlanta to live in a larger city and enjoy the nightlife and culture of a larger city. If I move OUT, then I feel like I'm giving up part of that. I feel like I might as well move back to Birmingham.

And then, there is the whole moving thing. Do I really want to be here? I'm really not very happy here. Or maybe I'm just not very happy with myself. I need to figure that out.

But buying a piece of property is a huge commitment. Part of me is completely ready. I'm ready to start a real home, and have a real kitchen and cook food, and have a garden. But part of me still wants to run free. Part of me wants to run off to Seattle and get drunk in dark shady bars with guitars wailing on stage with friends at my side.

Regardless, I know I'll be in Atlanta at least another year and a half. At LEAST. Who knows what will happen after that. I hate this not knowing feeling. This lack of direction. I feel like it's making me miss out on all the important stuff.

Rockin' in the Free World...

2004-07-06T13:34:00.000-04:00

I'd like to say that my family has some grand 4th of July tradition in which we eat good food, get good tans and watch a few good fireworks. But the reality of it is, we don't. I suppose when I was younger we would go to the lake and shoot bottle rockets, but, it wasn't a tradition by any means.

Last year, I spent the 4th of July in Atlantic City. I had flown to NYC the day before and we drove down to NJ in horrrrrrible traffic on the 4th. We walked in and out of a few casinos, ate horrible buffet food and then hit the road again to head down to Philly. Why? To see a Pearl Jam show of course. The actual 4th doesn't stand out in my mind, it's the 5th of July that conjures up memories for me. The folks I was traveling with wanted to sight see and I wanted to get to the venue and stake out the fanclub situation. I remember taking a taxi and not having a clue where I was going, but I ended up at the venue and saw hundreds of people sitting in the boiling sun. I saw lots of folks that I knew in line. And most of the afternoon was spent hanging out, and catching up with all of the familiar faces. Actually, on that day, I officially met the Seattle girls. I'd seen them, I knew who they were, but I didn't know we had mutual friends. Who knew I'd become instant friends with them and spend the rest of the week staying in their hotel room. I guess more happened that day than I realized.

At the show, I was sitting with Autumn who I'd driven down from NYC with. We didn't have great seats for the show--okay, they were pretty good but not what I was used to. I was spoiled by my front row fan club status, but it was good to be back a bit. I was able to appreciate how good my fan club seats really were. Autumn and I were good friends but she had a new boyfriend, and she was all about him, and I was in the mood to be wild and party and they just weren't. SO, there was certainly conflicting interests. That night at the show, I was downing beers left and right and had a pretty darn good buzz going. About mid-way through the set they started playing some song I've heard a million times and I bolted to the bathroom and to refill my beer. When I was in the potty I started hearing these explosions. At first I thought something had happened on stage but the music kept playing and the explosions continued. I was a little confused but as I got my beer and walked back into the amphitheatre I saw the fireworks above my head. It was a beautiful firework display--amazing really. I stopped and stood in awe. And then I ran down to my seats. They were covered seats and Autumn was missing it. So I grabbed her hand and we ran to the lawn. About that time Pearl Jam said "I think there are some fireworks going off up there. We can't see them but hopefully you can." And they broke into 'Keep on Rockin in the Free World'. =) It was such a cool moment. Watching such a beautiful firework show, on such a patriotic day (or day after), in such a patriotic city, with MY band rocking out on stage. I had chills. It is probably one of my most favorite Pearl Jam moments.

The rest of that trip is another story for another day. It was one historic adventure after another, and I could fill pages and pages outlining the details. But, I won't today. Sometime soon though, because it really was an amazing trip.

So, that's my most favorite 4th of July memory. I wish I was there now doing it all over again. =) And I think I lost my virginity on the 4th of July....lol but I didn't see fireworks that night! =P

This year, I had lunch with mom and her boyfriend. They stopped to see me on their way home from Savannah. Then I went to a BBQ over at a Lucy's house. It was fun. There was a drunken food fight. =P But the weekend was pretty low-key for me. =)

Except for the fact that I got a new kitty! New pictures will come tomorrow!

Time for lunch! =)

...yawn...

2004-07-02T09:57:00.000-04:00

It seems like I just posted here. Apparently not.

The wedding went well. When we first got there to decorate on Friday we were amazed at the amount of tacky wedding decorations that looked like they came straight from the Dollar Tree (and they did!). Plastic tables cloths, stands of plastic pearls, plastic doves, fake flowers. It was like an instructional guide on "How NOT to throw a wedding". But, I must admit, on the day of the ceremony everything seemed to go well. Nikki and I went and got our hair done together and then went and got our makeup done. We had such a blast catching up and and laughing and riding around town with NO gas. We were running late everywhere we went. We didn't have TIME to stop and get gas..=D lol We made it though and was at the church and ready before the bride even was. I bawled when she started walking down the isle and when she dedicated the ceremony to my Grandmother. I didn't anticipate having any emotion. But when it was all happening it just hit me...like a ton of bricks. She is my only cousin. We did grow up together. I guess, it was expected. Even if I didn't expect it.

This week, I've been on a spending rampage. Make up, water filtration systems, clothes, jewelry. I need to stop for just a second and figure out exactly HOW I'm paying for it all. And I still need a bathing suit and to get my hair cut before I go to Vegas.

I'm in blah mode again. I'm so tired and I don't want to do anything and I don't really care about anything. I really need to focus this weekend on relaxing so that I can rejuvenate myself. But there are 4th of July BBQs and errands. Thank goodness I have Monday off!

Actually, I'm thinking about getting another kitten. Why? Because when I was in Seattle I fell in love with a friend of mine's two cats. They were so fun to watch play and run around the house and wrestle. I think my cat needs a playmate like that. I think he's bored. I know it's going to be a huge task to introduce them to each other and what if they HATE each other and fight all of the time? I'm still thinking about it. I figure I'll go to the Humane Society and see what happens.

I better get to work. But, there's an update for ya. =)

The Celebration...part 1

2004-06-23T10:27:00.000-04:00

After my car fiasco on Wednesday, I got word from Martha first thing Thursday morning that she was going to Birmingham. Which is totally fine, but her and I were supposed to be celebrating my birthday Saturday night by hitting the town 21 year old style. She knew this. We'd talked about it just days before. But, apparently it'd slipped her mind. I really was pissed at first. All of my friends were going to a concert in town and I had no desire to go. I was convinced I'd be spending my birthday weekend all alone. I was mad and depressed and irritated.

I hit all the travel sites. Screw them, if I was going to be alone I was going to be alone somewhere cool. New York? no. San Diego? no. When I actually started looking at flights, nothing appealed to me.

Till I got an e-mail from Stella in Birmingham. She reminded me that it was City Stages and that I should come over. So, at the very last minute, I packed my bags, loaded my car and as soon as orientation was over Friday night I hit the road.

Saturday mom and I shopped for birthday gifts. I wanted a new comforter set for my bedroom but nothing was really grabbing me. So, we headed over to Rich's, I needed a new purse. I went in the store with images of big, bulky, grown up purses in mind. I walked out with the trendiest, most colorful purse in the store. Mom was purposely taking me to the purses. Apparently my birthday surprise was one of the new Dooney and Bourke purses that looks like a Louis wanna-be. When mom showed it to me, I refused at first. It's just so much money on a purse. I'm SO not used to being frivolous anymore. Sure, I was always down to spend money growing up, but these days, money is so nonexistent for me, I couldn't imagine dropping $200 on a bag! She insisted. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. So I walked out with the cute little trendy bag on my shoulder. It's cute. I don't know know how long I'll really use it but it's cute. =) She also surprised me with new pillows that she ordered from W Hotels! I can't wait for them to come in. Those are the best pillows ever made to man. Mom spoiled me as always. I wasn't expecting it and it felt good. She's such a cool chick. =)

That night, I met up with some friends who were having a BBQ before City Stages. We're all hanging out, when suddenly they start singing Happy Birthday. I started singing along, thinking 'I wonder whose birthday it is?' and then it hit me...duh...it's MY birthday! I felt like such an idiot. But I thought that was really sweet of them. They got me a cake and everything. I have such good friends. That night we all went to City Stages.

City Stages is like Music Midtown. It's Birmingham's annual music festival. Their artists generally don't compare to the acts Music Midtown brings to town. (i.e. The big headliners Saturday night were Lynyrd Skynrd, Kid Rock and Al Green. Exciting, huh?) But, I was going for the socializing. This is the town I grew up in and City Stages is notorious for drunken reunions of old friends. So, we hit the festival and arrived just in time to catch a Chris Robinson tune or two. Ew. No good, so we headed over to another stage to see Drive By Truckers. Stella was excited to see them but something about them just doesn't grab me. So we headed over to the VIP tent and got a (free) beer. I think it's crazy that in Birmingham I can get VIP to just about anything without even trying and here in Atlanta, I can't get crap. Anyway, we got a beer and headed back over to the Miller Lite stage to see My Morning Jacket. Everyone raves about this band. They adore them so much that I finally went and bought the CD just to see what they were talking about. Stella and I both...hated it. But, everyone said "Well, you have to see them live" so really, this time, Stella and I were giving them a fair chance. And they weren't that bad live. They were way better live than they were on CD. But about 10 minutes into it..we were bored..again. SO, we started drinking and hanging out and laughing and joking and talking and dancing. =) The whole group was there and we ran into friends we haven't seen in over 7 years! It was really a fun time. BUT...it was hot. Way too hot to be running from stage to stage like we were. And crowded. The whole layout of the festival was horrible. They had Lynyrd Skynrd on one of the smaller stages. There were SO many people there that you couldn't even get close enough to HEAR the music. The Miller Lite Stage was positioned so badly that all the people on the sides couldn't even see the stage for all the trees in the way. The bathrooms were badly placed and there were not quite enough of them. You couldn't move the entire place was so packed. It was unreal. The City Stages folks need to learn a few things from Music Midtown because Music Midtown didn't have near the disarray that was going on in downtown Birmingham Saturday night. After hearing a few Kid Rock songs, we got the heck outta there and hit the bars.

And I do mean hit the bars. We'd go to one bar, have a drink, check out who was there and head to another. It seems like all night we didn't stand still. It was one place after another. I was ready to just chill and have a drink. We finally did stop, at this cheesy dance club. I was amazed at how horrible the music was. I'd rather be at home than there, it was awful. We weren't there terribly long...good thing...I couldn't stand it. Finally at about 4am we ended up at home and we crashed. Ahhh...the birthday partying was over.

The next day I was so hungover. But I made it to my grandfather's for the Father's Day celebration which included his famous ribs. I generally don't eat meat off of a bone, but for the first time in my life, I chowed down on some ribs and to my surprise...they were good! I might have just become a rib eater! ha! Finally about 9 pm...I made it back to Atlanta...exhausted and hungover....and it wasn't even my birthday yet.

But it was good. It was a good weekend. I saw friends and family and laughed and smiled. I can't complain. Turning 25 isn't such a horrible thing....I guess =)

Happy Birthday to Me...=)

2004-06-21T16:57:00.000-04:00

Today, I'm 25 years old. I was trying to imagine what was going on 25 years ago today. My mom had me by C-Section so there was no "going into labor". Having me was essentially like having a doctors appointment. I'm sure all of my grandparents were there, and my aunts and uncles. I think that the first time my Mamaw held me I pooped all over her. =D hahahaha. =D I'm sure my mom was drugged up, but I know that she was happy that she had a little girl. They'd been telling her the entire pregnancy that I was a boy. I'm sure that there were smiles and laughs surrounding me on that day. I had all of the attention no doubt. I was the first Grandchild on both sides and spoiled, absolutely rotten.

I wonder what I was thinking. I wonder if I was scared. I wonder if I just wanted to sleep.

Who knew that 25 years from that very day I'd be at work secretly celebrating my first real promotion and first real, major, pay raise. Maybe this is a new birth in it's own right. A new beginning, a new direction.

The official meeting with my boss today went well. He ended up offering me exactly what I wanted. Well, at least what my very bottom goal was anyway. He'll start me at $8k more and at the first of the year bump me to $12k. I'm totally fine with that. Totally. I know I'll be taking on an entirely new position but it's not a position I'm sure I'll do well in. He's convinvced of it. I'm not. I figure by the first of the year either I'll hate it, and go back to the position I'm in...OR...I'll be worth the $12k. So pretty much, it's a win win situation.

Orientation for School was Friday night and it was...well..informative. I haven't signed up or sent in a check or anything, BUT, it is something I want to do. The class seems pretty intense. It's essentially a 2 year program stuffed into 9 months but the work was amazing. The teacher showed some of the projects previous students had done in the class and they were great. I only hope that he can push my creative buttons like that. He's kind of a nerd, but I spoke to him briefly and he told me that he thought with my background I'd get a lot out of the class. I think I will too.

Wow. In July, my entire life is changing and I mean drastically. At work, I'm taking things up a notch. And then I'm sucking up my social life with school work and projects. It'll be a change, but I'm a grown up now...I can handle it. Right?

So...let me tell you about yesterday...

2004-06-17T13:56:00.000-04:00

You know my car battery went dead on Friday and I got a new one on Sunday and everything was working fine.

So yesterday, I'm driving to the tanning place and my radio cuts off. Weird. So I turn off the air and the radio came back on. Weird. It was acting kind of strange, bogging down with the air on, etc. so I started driving to the Honda Service Center on 41. Well, it kind of just...stopped going. So I pull over. Crap. Call mom, find out how far I am from the service center. Not too far. So, I try to crank it...it comes on...and goes, so I get back on 41 and try to make it. Just before I got there, there was a little hill and I got stuck at a red light and that was the end of the little Honda. Thank goodness I got roadside assistance on THURSDAY. My car was dead in the middle of the road on Hwy 41. I mean, Dead. Traffic was all backed up, people were honking. It was a NIGHTMARE. I waited for over an hour for Roadside Assistance to get there. An hour in the humid, Southern heat. I was so sticky and sweaty and gross. Finally, I got my car towed to the Honda dealership where I found out my Alternator? went out. Great. SO, I took a taxi home and this morning one of my sales guys had to come get me. It was horrible. I left work at 5 and got home at 7:30. So much fun for the little damsel in distress.

I was SO ready to get home and eat dinner. I cooked some noodles and was about to settle in on the couch for some Simple Life 2 when I hear this mad scratching outside. Kitty had been out on the balcony and either jumped or fell over. I'm thinking he fell. SO, I booked it downstairs. He was loving it. Sniffing all of the flowers and stuff. He wouldn't come to me...AT ALL. He even hissed at me. I finally grabbed him and took him inside. Bad kitty.

So, then I got this wild idea that I needed to cut my bangs last night. I knew it was a bad idea. I even consulted with Stella before I did it who told me NOT to do it. But, I did it anyway. And they're too short. I look like a little girl. I hate them. My work friend said you can't even tell...but I can. Hopefully they'll be grown out enough for the wedding next weekend.

I'm thinking that I need to check my horoscope for yesterday. There was some kind of definite negative energy surrounding me. Karma is a bitch.

Vent.

2004-06-16T15:48:00.000-04:00

I spent all morning on a post venting about the "promotion" and the comments that were left.

And then my damn computer crashed.

damn damn damn.

Another vent will come later I'm sure.

2004-06-15T16:48:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how so much can happen in one little week.

The Hillbilly Hoedown Shower went well. Mother pulled it off with dignity and grace. Can't say a ton about the guests or the honorees...but ya know, that's just how it goes.

I was offered a promotion at work. But it's a promotion that scares me. It's moving from a Creative place to a true, paper-pushing, number-crunching position where I have NO experience or background. I was showered with compliments and praises and a nice chunck of money, but I haven't officially accepted it yet. Although the money chunk was large when you break it down by month and pay check and take out the taxes it boils down to a couple of hundred bucks. Actually, I would continue doing the Marketing stuff, but I'd take on the Accounting stuff. Am I willing to take on the job of an ENTIRE person for a couple of hundred bucks more a month? At first, I felt like I couldn't say no...he needed me, etc. But now, I'm a little more empowered about the situation. He needs me, and I need more money. I'm willing to step up to the challenge and learn something I have no clue about but in doing so, I need more cash than what he's offering. Is it okay to ask your boss for a $10,000 a year raise? Well, that's exactly what I intend to do. IF he doesn't go for it, then, well, he can just hire an ENTIRE new person. I wonder how much that would cost. My job isn't in jeopardy. He told me I could stay exactly where I am, if I wanted. But I'm about to start taking classes and that's my main focus right now. I'm already upping my stress level with school, if I'm going to up my stress level at work then there's going to have to be a hefty monetary reward. So I've certainly had that on my mind.

If you don't have any jumper cables in your car, go buy some. I did. But only after I sat in the parking lot of Blockbuster on the most humid day of the year--so far--for over an hour asking every person that walked by if they had any jumper cables. My car battery was dead and none of my friends were answering their cell phones. I was truly a damsel in distress. And all I wanted to do was go home and watch a movie and sleep because...

I've been sick. All weekend I have had a low-grade fever and with that comes aches and cold-sweats and headaches. I went to the doctor yesterday and I have a viral infection and the usual sinus junk, and they're aggravating each other. I stayed hope from work yesterday and slept and slept and slept. And I do feel better today, but I'm still so freaking weak. I'm at work anyway.

I'm taking a "Girls Trip" to Las Vegas in July. I bought my plane ticket and I'm all set. My good friend in Seattle is turning 30 and this is how she wants to celebrate. I'm excited...I always have fun with the Seattle Girls, dare I say they drink more than I do?! I'm sure they would tell a completely different story...they claim *I'm* the wild one but I beg to differ. I only drink like that when I'm with them so I'm convinced it's all their fault.

My birthday is a week from yesterday. It's s.l.o.w.l.y. approaching. Friday night I have orientation for school and Saturday night Martha and I are hitting the town for a girls night out, 21 year old style. And on Monday, THE actual day, I'm meeting everyone for a Mexican Birthday dinner with margaritas alllll around! =) I'm excited. It should be a fun little birthday celebration. =)

A Mish-Mash of Events

2004-06-04T11:22:00.000-04:00

My little world has been in stress-mode the past few days...and I don't even know where to begin trying to recap all that has gone on.

Biloxi was lovely. We got to leave work early on Friday so I missed most of the traffic heading out of town. While I was chatting away with my best college buddy in Dallas she got a wild hair and decided to meet me in Biloxi. We hadn't seen each other in over a year so it was a great time to catch up and do a little partying. Saturday afternoon we arrived in Biloxi at just about the same time and headed straight to the pool for drinks and laughs. It was exciting and we were ready for a night out. We had a nice dinner with mom and hit the tables around 10pm. In just about an hour I'd lost $200 and she'd lost $160. This wasn't normal. We'd never lost like that right off the bat. We stepped away from the table feeling defeated. I had another $100 in my purse but I knew it was all the gambling money I had for the weekend. I didn't want to sit down and lose all of it too. So we walked the casino and contemplated going into the club. We didn't know what to do with ourselves in a casino with no money. We regrouped, and decided we'd take one last shot at the tables and if we lost...then...we'd go to a movie or something the next night. We sat down with our serious faces on. We were playing for real. And in just about an hour..we were both up...the serious faces were gone and we were laughing and giggling with the rest of the table. This was the gambling we were used to. And at 3am when I colored in my chips, I walked away with one shiny, purple chip with $500! Not only had I won back my original $300 I was up $200! We stumbled to the all-night breakfast cafe for a pig out session and then hit the bed.

The next morning we slept late and met mom around the pool at about 1 or 2. The Beach Boys were playing at the Beau all weekend and had done a photo shoot around the pool that morning. By the time we got there they were just sunning themselves and hanging out with their families. That was pretty cool. We headed in around 5 and started getting ready for dinner. We left the Beau and went to this hole in the wall seafood restaurant. It was okay..nothing exciting but we certainly pigged out. We were so stuffed...I hate that feeling. I just wanted to crawl in the bed and watch tv..not walk around a casino looking cute and gambling. But, we hit the tables around 10pm. They were packed and it was impossible to find a table with 2 open spots. We finally found one but some jerk jumped in and said we couldn't have them both. Ass. So we moved on and shortly another table opened up. It was a fun table but I think we were both just too full and exhausted. I wasn't really winning but my friend was. She was up like $200 and like that the tables turned. She lost all of her and I lost $100 of mine. At that point, we called it a night. We were exhausted. All in all I walked away with $400..considering I started with $300 I thought it was a pretty darn good trip. It was great to see my friend and to get away from it all for a few days.

But when I got home my world was in full swing. Tuesday was my big monthly meeting with my sales guys which is always a busy day for me. Plus the fact that my eye was killing me and my vision was all blurred. I snuck out of there and to the eye doctor where I discovered I have an eye infection. Great. I've been in my glasses ever since and I have to go back next Tuesday. Wednesday was our big office tradeshow. We had customers in and out all day...lots of promotional stuff going on...free food...hands on demonstrations, etc. By Wednesday evening I was exhausted. I didn't do anything Wednesday night but lay on my couch. I was asleep by 10pm and woke up Thursday exhausted. When I started falling asleep in the shower I decided that was a bad sign. I called in to work...I needed a day.

So I slept and slept and finally crawled out of bed and made my way to the Georgia Department of Motor Vehicles. I didn't get there till about 1:30pm and found that I had to PAY for parking. Pay? That was irritating in itself. I love seeing my tax dollars at work. I think the DMV is in the absolute worst building in the entire downtown area. It looked TERRIBLE. The Bail Bonds place down the road was better looking than the DMV. Little did I know that 1:30 was entirely too late in the day to begin this process. I sat and waited and waited and waited. At about 3, I started talking to some of the folks around me. One guy whose number was really only about 15 numbers ahead of mine had been there since 9 AM and was still waiting. Another girl had been waiting since 11. All of the people around me only needed a replacement license...which essentially was what I needed. I just needed to change my address. All that they had to do was check the information, take the money and print a new ID! None of us needed pictures retaken or to take a test. These people had been waiting over 6 HOURS in this dumpy little building for the person behind the counter to press PRINT! Absolutely insane. The whole process was backwards and the most inefficient way of doing things. At one point I thought, let me get back there, I'll get these folks outta here in NO time! At about 3:30 I wiggled my way to the counter and asked the lady if there was any hope in me being seen today...she said that it was "very unlikely" so I asked her..."what's the hold up? I just need you to change my address" and she said "there's lots of other people here that need that too...and there's hundreds of them out there and only 2 of us." I smiled, turned and got the hell outta there. I was getting no where and I wasn't wasting any more of my off day at the nasty ass DMV. But now, I'm back at square one. I still don't have my address changed and in a few weeks I have to get my car registration renewed...and I can't change my registration without an ID with the updated address. It's a vicious cycle. I'm never ever moving again.

SO, this weekend is the big bridal shower at Mother's House. I guess this wedding is officially happening and it'll be here...SOON! All the distant aunts and cousins will be gathering at Mom's house to celebrate. If they only knew the real story. ha! She'll probably tell them all that she's preggers. She doesn't seem to be hiding it from anyone considering she's more excited about the baby than the wedding. None of it is ideal..but I guess it's life. Bring on the Hoedown!

2004-05-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

Agatha's was...interesting. I think Lucy and Martha really enjoyed it. And I guess I did too. I would have much rather spent my $45 on a kick ass concert of some sort..but at least at Agatha's...they fed us. AND gave us wine. =D The actors themselves were pretty good...but the story line was lame. It was a spoof on Law and Order and was about "Venice Hellion" (ahem..Paris Hilton) being found dead covered in imported, illegal mustard?? A story line about the ins and outs of the luxury food business, while funny, didn't seem to really hold my interest. Martha had a speaking part and she ate that junk up. Maybe she was supposed to be an actress in another life. The best part was watching the folks live out there acting fantasies. Some were funny, some were quite risque and some just plain old sucked. We got pretty tipsy and I think that I ran my mouth a little bit too much during dinner. Imagine that! But, at least I had everyone laughing..=)

I'm SO ready to hit the road. Today seems like just a blah day. We're all just counting the hours till 2pm. They're letting us leave early today for the holiday weekend. That's great for me because the sooner I get out the better chances I have of NOT having to sit in horrible Memorial Day traffic. I'm afraid though, that leaving at 2 isn't enough. Traffic will probably already be a mess. It's amazing how easily a 2 hour trip can turn into a 5 hour trip.

Atlanta traffic maps do a pretty good job of showing you what to expect as far as delays go. Sometimes it's too late for them to do you any good..but they're great for preparing and planning routes. But what I don't get is why in the world they don't monitor traffic on the stretch of 285 between 75 and 20?? That's the route *I* need! I'm trying to get home...if 285 is blocked I'll go down 75/85 to 20...if 75/85 is blocked I'll take 285. This one little thing in the world of Atlanta traffic irritates the heck outta me!

You know what else irritates me about Atlanta? It's that dang ajc.com. I love the AJC. I read it everyday...online. In the past...I dunno...month? they've added this "Sign In" Feature...that I loathe. It'd be fine if I could sign in ONCE and read the articles throughout the day...no. It's not that easy. You have to sign in pretty much any time you want to read an article. I suppose I understand the need for it..but somehow AJC, figure out how to do it better! I find myself just closing the whole page in disgust every time I get the "Sign In" page. I hate it.

Regardless of traffic, I intend to make many phone calls on my way to Birmingham. Driving on long stretches like that is the best time to call old friends and catch up. =D Awful, huh? I'll call the Seattle girls because I know they're off today. I'll call my Friend in LA. I may even call my ex. Talking passes the time for me. By the time I say all I needed to say, I'll be home!

Okay...I better do something before they let us outta here...so I'm off to work.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Memorial Day!

2004-05-27T16:56:00.000-04:00

I'm here. I'm not sure where here is but that's where I am.

I had the same reoccuring argument with Lucy this week. It's always about me wanting to do something and her sounding interested till she talks to her husband who inevitably throws money in her face and acts like they're so broke they can't afford to eat. And it usually happens right after he's gone on a DVD or video game buying binge. Her birthday is tomorrow, and since I'll be out of town I offered to go out with her tonight. He claims they "don't have the money to do something for her birthday two nights in a row" because "technically her birthday isn't till Friday." I'll give her props, she stood up to him and she's going out without him. That's totally fine by me but if I was in her shoes, that'd irritate the hell out of me. I think things like this is exactly why I broke up with my ex. I can't be controlled.

Speaking of lack of control, the free spirit that I am is in dire need of time to roam. I need out of here. I really don't mind work...I'm not saying I want to quit my job. There's just that thing, whatever it is, inside of me that needs to explore things. I want roadtrips and new adventures and sunshine. I think I've got gypsy in my blood somewhere. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm going to Biloxi this weekend. I'm already packed. I feel like I should be leaving today. I'm really look forward to laying by the pool and ordering a girly tropical drink, playing my game, meeting boys and getting drunk. And not having to worry about what happened the night before. But I'm not sure if that's going to staisfy my free spirit thirst.

My friends in Seattle want to go to Vegas in July. We're in the process of planning the trip and I'm looking forward to spending time with them. I always have such a great time when we're together. It's really a shame I don't live in Seattle with them. Maybe in a year or two I will.

Lee's wedding is a month from today. I'm going to be a bridesmaid even though at first I told her I wouldn't. I don't know how this wedding is going to turn out. Each of the bridesmaids have been told to buy whatever dress they want in either plum or lilac. I'm not so sure how that'll turn out. The bridal shower is at mother's house next weekend. All I really have to say is better her than me.

Today has been eventful. A guy was on the Windy Hill overpass threatening to jump so at like 11:30 they closed down 75 in both directions. We're 2 exits from there so traffic was backed up all the way to our office. I didn't get to run any of the errands I needed to at lunch because it was just dead-lock outside. It was kinda crazy. Apparently the guy jumped but survived. Some people just need massive amounts of attention. That's certainly NOT the way to commit suicide.

So...it took me all day to write this. Each in little pieces. It's 10 minutes till I got home and finally...I'm publishing it.

Tonight...Murder Mystery Dinner Theater at Agatha's...it should be mighty cheesy!

The life of a slug.

2004-05-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm neglecting my journal but the truth of the matter is, I just don't have anything to say. This week has been boring for me and I'm enjoying being bored. The next two months I'm in busy mode so I'm taking advantage of being able to relax while I can.

But being bored makes me lazy and being lazy makes me feel like a slug. Today, I must exercise. No excuses.

Tomorrow is Friday and I have no idea what I'm doing this weekend. I'm pretty broke. If I wasn't broke I'd go shopping and find a cute new summer outfit. Then, I'd walk around Virginia Highlands and hit all of the cute little boutiques before I popped in my favorite place to paint pottery. Maybe I'll do that anyway. I could make my Grandmother a late Mother's Day gift.

Tomorrow is one month from my 25th birthday and if nothing else I'm looking forward to a little break on bills. My insurance should drop some..I'm anxious to see how much or how little it goes down. As well, the kitty deposit for my apartment ends next month. That'll be another $100 added to my income. I anticipate a little birthday money too. It'll be nice to just breathe for once.

See, that's about it. Nothing of importance. Nothing to share. Just the usual slug-like behavior.

Twenty-One

2004-05-18T11:24:00.000-04:00

I'm a gambler. Shortly after my 21st birthday my friends took me to Vicksburg, MS and taught me the ways of the blackjack table. I've loved it ever since. I studied the charts, I checked all the odds, Blackjack became my game and even in a drunken haze I'm pretty darn good at it. I've had professional gamblers ask me who taught me to play and compliment the decisions I made around the table. At times I wondered if I was addicted. But casinos are within driving distance of me and if I had some cracked out addiction I could go every weekend....but I don't. I certainly do have the desire to gamble, though. If it's been a while I know, and I plan a trip. Last night, I planned a trip.

Memorial Day weekend Mother and I are going to the Beau Rivage for 2 nights of gambling, eating, sunning and shopping. I didn't think we'd be able to get a room at the nicest casino in the southeast on the first holiday weekend of the summer. Even if there was availability I assumed we'd have to pay a fortune. To my surprise, not only did I get a room for Saturday night for less than half the normal price, they called me back and offered me a second night...for free. Hot damn! I haven't been gambling since I was in Vegas for the PJ shows last June. I've been craving a trip for months.

The thing that I love about gambling is that it has a little bit of everything: games, drinks, men, socializing and money. Mom loves to watch me stake out my table. I usually go for the one full of men. It's fun to watch them get annoyed when I sit down because they assume I don't have a clue and that I'm going to ruin their chances at winning. A few drinks later, and a few happy hands and to them..I'm the coolest chick in the world. Socializing is key. So many nights I've stayed out all night with a fun table. Once, the Pit boss finally kicked us out about 10am. Who else can say they've been kicked out of a casino? We'd been getting shots from the waitress all night, we were all winning and we were completely loud and obnoxious. And I was the only girl in the bunch.

It's not like Blackjack takes a ton of skill, but most people don't take the time to really understand the game and the odds, which is crucial to coming home ahead. I never play with a ton of money. I always start with just a little and see how far I can go on it. Usually I can start with $100 and it will last me the entire weekend. In the end I may come home with nothing, but I drank, partied and gambled all weekend on $100! Who can beat that? A lot of the time I do come home with a little extra cash, and that's such a cool bonus. Where else in the world can you party and make money at the same time? Blackjack is just plain cool.

So I'm excited. I get to relax by the pool on the Gulf of Mexico during the days and party all night...and you never know, maybe bring home some extra money too! It's just the escape I've been looking for. Ahhh....summer is here.

A Random Weekend

2004-05-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

I think I've made up my mind about school. Y'all are right. There's not a lot to lose and only room to grow. I haven't filled out any forms or given them any money or anything yet, but, I am starting to plan my summer around it. I find myself saying "Oh...I'll be in school then.." That's kind of exciting. =)

Lee came into town Friday night. I anticipated immature cat fights, but they weren't there. We actually did okay together. BUT, our personality differences were evident. I'm doing all of her wedding invitations on my computer. There's a lot of really pretty stuff you can do with invitations now in your home office and I wanted to do something really classic and pretty. She instead went with the Precious Moments embossed bride and groom. Yuck. I did what I could though and they are pretty. But absolutely NOT what I would have picked. She also told me about the John Deere dishes she wants to register for. John Deere Dishes!? Only in the south.

I am having a guilty conscience about telling her I couldn't be in the wedding. She went to get her first sonogram today, so I may call her and ask her about that and tell her I'll do it.

Late Friday night I got a call from my friends in Seattle. My favorite guitarist was playing a benefit show and they were all there. I had thought about going but decided against it for reasons I won't go into here. Point is, the small little benefit show turned into a semi-Pearl Jam show. My firend held up her cell phone the entire show and I got to hear exactly what I was missing. It was bittersweet, I would have loved to have been there, but it's probably best I wasn't.

Lee was out the door Saturday afternoon with 150 printed invitatiosn in hand and Hook-up boy and Martha my old roomate came over for dinner and drinks. I cooked and we drank and ate and laughed. It was really pretty low-key. We watched SNL and looked at old pictures. I was all over the place with my drinks...wine to vodka to beer. Martha stayed with wine all night and hook up boy...he was drinking beer. Before we knew it it was 4am and Martha was obviously trashed. Next thing I knew she was passed out in my bathroom floor. OUT. I got her on the couch and put her to bed. Hook Up boy disappeared into my room and when I finally made it there he was half asleep. Hooking up with him that night was fun though. I guess I was just buzzed enough to let my inhibitions fly out the window. When all was said and done and he went to go to the potty he found Martha on the floor in the bathroom asleep using my barthrobe as a cover. She was hammered.

At about 10 am she came and climbed in the bed with me and hook up boy. We're all friends, but the fact that he and I hook up on a regular basis is kind of a secret. Okay maybe not a secret, I don't care if anyone knows, but the fact is...no one except Lucy knows. I guess Martha knows now. The whole thing was a bit uncomfortable and after about an hour of not being able to sleep I headed to the couch. Hook up boy was right behind me. Akward is a nice word to use. He kissed me goodbye before he left and called later last night to see how my hangover was. Maybe this is progressing towards something else.

After Martha left I was truly exhausted. Hook Up boy and I hadn't gone to bed till about 6:30 in the morning and Martha had me up at 10. About 2 that afternoon I passed out and slept till the early evening. I ws a zombie all night.

Work is work. I'm kinda grumpy. My hormones are on fire and I need a vacation. That's pretty much me right now.

ugh

2004-05-16T19:22:00.000-04:00

Drinking till 6am with hook up boy and my old roommate...sleeping till 5pm...and eating chocolate all evening has left me feeling yucky.

Direction

2004-05-13T22:57:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had that feeling...that lost feeling where you're just grasping for something...anything...everything? You know where you want to be you just don't know how to get there? You've prepared, you've taken the proper steps, you've followed the map but you're still completely and utterly lost.

That's exactly how I feel.

I really always thought that I'd work for rock stars. It was what I loved, it was my passion, it was my scene. I know rock stars. I have many things to offer them. But for some reason I always fell into "friend" category instead of "employee". I thought I'd be on the road with somebody by now, scurrying photographers and reporters around backstage. That was the goal. Right now, that goal is completely unachievable.

Giving up that goal does kill off certain parts of my heart. But my love for music hasn't changed. It is still my passion. It is still what I love. I suppose I just have to move it from "career goal" to "hobby'. That's such a dorky statement.

SO, what else do I love? Well. I'm a nerd. I've sat in front of a screen just like this for over half of my life. I watched the internet become what it is. Somewhere, it too is burrowed into my being. What's an internet nerd with a Public Relations degree and undying creativity do? Become a web designer? Well that's a fine idea. I think.

I actually have a few sites around the web. I won't share them here because I can't open my life up like that...yet. But they're there, and I must admit, they're pretty darn good. With the limited knowledge that I do have, people tell me all the time that I should make a career out of it. SO why don't I? I lack the confidence. I admit that I know more about creating a webpage than the average person does, but I want to know more. I want my sites to flash and pop and scream and dance. I want movement and pictures and graphics. I want Flash and Java and Perl. I want the hardcore skills. So how do I get those skills? I've s.l.o.w.l.y. been teaching myself. Slowly is key. I have programs and books and tutorials. But I don't have anyone to turn to when I ask questions. And that bugs me. I need human interaction, the web can only get me so far.

I've been drooling over the Portfolio Center for years. If I had an extra $75k sitting around I'd quit my job and devote the next two years of my life to that school. But, I don't live in that fantasy world so I continue to work, every day, and live and support myself. But yesterday I found a school...a local university...about 10 minutes from my office that has a 9 month "Internet Professional" certification. It essentially does what the Portfolio Center does....it goes over every little aspect of web design and programming and even touches on running your own freelance business. It's exactly what I need. It'll teach me the flashes and pops and build my confidence and in the end I'll come out with a full fledged "professional" portfolio. Well hot damn! I think I'm gonna do it!

9 months isn't that long. Sure I won't be getting my Master's or anything BUT I will be able to continue working full time while I do it. Classes are twice a week from 6-9pm. Perfect. And it won't financially break me. I think this will give me a good solid platform to stand on. I don't intend to quit my job when I'm done or anything. I'm the "webmaster" of our work website as it is. Like I said, I kinda already know this stuff. Some of it anyway. More than anything, this is going to open my eyes to the newest of technologies and give me the confidence I lack. It will compliment my Marketing experience and Public Relations degree. And if it ever DID grow into a freelance career where I could support myself...so be it. I'll work from home any old day! =P

25 is about me...right? I know it'd be a lot of work but what do I have to lose? Bettering myself, continuing my education and hopefully boosting my career sounds like exactly what I need. Plus, I might meet some new folks.

No decisions have been made. Orientation isn't until mid-June. I have a little while. I'm just thinking. But what do YOU think?

2004-05-12T22:36:00.000-04:00

LA Sunset

2004-05-12T22:21:00.000-04:00

I've spent all night working on a revamped layout. Blogger's being screwy. For now you just have to deal with dots. If they were pink..I'd like em. =)

Two Nights in a row...

2004-05-12T18:38:00.000-04:00

I've posted at night. Am I throwing you folks off??

You're all right. Stay doing something remotely related to my career...right? The money will come eventually...right?

A new thought has entered my mind though...going back to school. I'm off to do more research.

For Love or Money

2004-05-11T20:49:00.000-04:00

I intended to come home from work and write about how I exercised last night and how good I've felt today because of it. I did have a fairly good, uneventful day.

I met a friend for dinner that I've only seen once, briefly, since I've been back from California. It was nice to see her, we talked about boys, purses, exercise and work. She was talking about how much she enjoyed her new job, and how nice it was to finally be out of debt, etc. She wasn't bragging, I've always known about her financial problems and it was good to hear she'd gotten herself out of that mess. And then it kinda dawned on me...her...out of debt? She's uneducated but bright and very personable. She's got a good heart and a lot of drive. She wouldn't be my friend if she didn't. And it got me to thinking...how much money is she making over there?! She told me and my jaw hit the floor. She started at $12k more a year than I'm making now. Six months later, a raise and added bonuses, she's making nearly $20k more a year than I am! Twenty thousand dollars. I think I turned as white as a ghost because she stopped me. "Why? You're the one with the degree...I know you've gotta be rolling in it these days.." Ha! I told her and she instantly offered to buy my dinner. I felt as small as the half-eaten egg roll sitting on my plate. She went on and on about how I need to be making more than I am and that I should renegotiate, etc. And then, she told me I should come work with her. She explained that they're hiring and that I could nearly double my salary. She insisted about 10 times that I send her my resume...immediately. I told her I'd work on it tonight and e-mail it to her.

I'm in Marketing. Actually, my degree is in Public Relations. I'm crafty and creative and outgoing. Am I happy where I am? Yeah...I think. It isn't the industry I'd like to be in, it's total boy stuff, but I thought I was just lucky to find a job. I get a little bored sometimes but I keep telling myself I'm gaining experience, I'm working my way up, I'm paying my dues. I'm doing all of this so that one day I'll get the job I dolove. BUT, I am struggling. I literally have no money. My pay check at the first of the month goes to pay for my apartment and utilities while my pay check in the middle of the month goes to pay for groceries, bills, insurance and leaves a tiny bit of spending money. The thought of bringing home nearly a $1k more a month makes my tummy turn flips.

My soul is hurting right now. I feel defeated and beat down. I feel like my college degree is a huge waste. I want to curl up in my bed and cry.

I could send her my resume and she could probably get me a job...doing what? Administrative, data entry bullshit! I'm sure I'd get some fancy title but it boils down to the fact that I'd be a glorified paper-pusher. SO, I'm torn. Is this something I pursue? Do I attempt to get a job where I would gain essentially no career experience in order to make loads more money? What if I never find that job I love and spend all this time gaining experience and being totally broke? I feel like I already did that in college.

I should work on my resume, but I probably won't. Right now, my bed sounds like the best idea.

Quarter Life Crisis

2004-05-10T08:54:00.000-04:00

A lot could be said about this weekend, but I'm not going to say a thing. I believe the end of an era is near. Am I okay with that? I'm not sure that I have a choice.

I realized this weekend that although I'm not old, I'm older. I'll be 25 in a little over a month and you just can't do the same dumb things you were doing at 21 at 25. I can't compete with these young little things running around half naked. There's certain dreams and goals that I just need to let go of. It was fun to dream but when do you stop dreaming and start living?

This weekend I watched "Win a date with Tad Hamilton" and I must admit, it was cute. It was one of those mindless movies where I didn't have to think about a thing. Sweet, wholesome, southern girl scores the big time actor. Now that's the fairytale *I* wanted. =) Then this morning on Q100 they were talking with this chick that ran into some A-list actor who asked her out on a date and is in the process of sweeping her off her feet. Two fairytales...TWO. I want just one.

Last night, while I lay in bed trying to sleep, I was thinking about what it is I really want. And actually, my list seems pretty small and simple.

1. A job that I love, where I can use my creativity and personality--my two strongest points. I want to be passionate about my work. I want it to mean something to me and to somebody else.
2. A husband that loves me as much as I love him. A husband that enjoys learning new things and growing...forever. A husband that will rock out at a concert with me and then be able to talk about fishing with my grandpa. A man that is honest, funny, and loving.
3. A family that is happy, strong and healthy.

In reality, that's it. There's some fairytales that I dream about...running off and marrying a rockstar, touring the world with him and having a million little rock star babies. BUT, I realize that's a fairytale. I'd probably take that life in a minute, but I know I'll never "Win a date with Tad Hamilton"

BUT, I do wish that if this is where I'm going to be. If this is where I'm going to start my life, then I want to feel settled. I thought that moving back here, I would have unleashed all of that inner-adventure and be able to truly start some roots. But I think now, more than ever, I don't want to live here. I was okay with my life in Atlanta before. Now, I just feel like I'm in limbo.

I turn 25 in a month and a few days and I've said for the last 3 months that 25 was going to be about me. 25 is going to be about sorting out my goals and realistic dreams. It's about getting in shape, getting healthy, studying, learning, exploring. At 25 I'm going to be the best me that I can be. And then I'm going to go out into the world and start my life. I need to be the kick ass me that I know is in there somewhere, before I can take on the world. I must be prepared and this is my training.

I can't wait to see who I am a year from now. A year. That's a long time and no time in the same sense.

Don't ya just love these quarter-life crisises?

::yawn::

2004-05-07T12:27:00.000-04:00

And out of nowhere, a boy entered the picture. No no no, it's nothing serious, we're just friends. We met through work and he lives in Ohio but I do enjoy talking to him...for hours and hours all night long! I was up till 2am and I'm paying for it today.

Friends from the 'Ham are coming over and we're going to the Cypress Hill/Blink-182 show tonight. If anything, I'm expecting it to be eventful.

The rest of the weekend? Me. Pool. Sun. Tan. Woo!

Friendly Ranting

2004-05-06T09:18:00.000-04:00

Cinco De Mayo didn't turn out the way I expected it to. I thought I'd be trashed dancing on a bar somewhere, but I wasn't. And I'm glad I wasn't. A friend of mine from Birmingham came to visit me. Her and I were best friends in High School but I really haven't seen her much since her wedding 2 years ago. She had to pick someone up at the airport so it was a good time to come visit me too!

I envisioned us out on the town, partying like we used to just grown up style and in a real city. But, she accidentally left her overnight bag at her house? so she insisted that we go to the mall so she could at least get a pair of jeans. So after a few glasses of the yummy wine she brought me, we did and we got her jeans but by the time we were done it was after 9 pm. Now, I'm always down for a good time but 6:30 am comes early for this little sleepyhead so the idea of hitting the town this late just didn't appeal to me. Instead we ended up at a Don Pablo's near the mall. It was more than we needed because it wasn't really partying that we wanted to do, it was talking and laughing and reminiscing that was on the agenda.

The period of my life when she was my best friend was probably the most fun times of my life. It was early high school, we were young, not even 16 and the entire world was fresh and brand new. Everything we did was a new adventure, a new drama, a new argument. We saw concerts for the first time, we met boys for the first time, we defied our parents for the first time. Last night we laughed about so many forgotten "Remember whens..."

We flipped through old annuals and I realized how many worlds away that life seems to me now. Although I remember those days vividly, so much has happened in my life since then. Am I still that same person?? Was I really happier back then?? Why can't I find that same happiness here, when back then, all I wanted is what I've got??

I was blessed with so many great friends growing up. I truly was, and I have so many memories with those girls. They know so much about me and experienced so much with me. I'll never have friends like that here or anywhere else on this earth. Maybe I should cherish that. Maybe I should embrace my own history. Maybe that's what I'm missing. Maybe I should move to Birmingham.

Moving home scares me. I haven't lived in Birmingham for over 7 years. Sure, I have so many friends there. I'm known there. I still can go to dinners in Birmingham and somebody will come up to me and say "Aren't you so and so?" That's what I loved about Atlanta--that I could be completely anonymous here. I know I'd have a stronger social life in Birmingham. The cost of living is so much cheaper there, I could have a loft downtown and probably pay less than I do now. I would be close to my family and actually play a role in the new baby's life. BUT, I'd be in Birmingham. I'd live in Alabama. I've traveled this country, I've seen places, I've gotten to know the big cities and being in Birmingham would drive me insane. Mom's always said that even since I was a little girl...I've always been a "city girl." She knew from the time I was 12 years old that I'd never end up living in Alabama. She got used to that idea long ago. Something in my soul would want more than Birmingham has to offer me. I know there's so much more out there, I've seen it, I've lived it, could I really go back to small town life?

Look what a visit from an old friend did. It stirred up all of these emotions and thoughts. I miss my friends, but I wonder if they really miss me.

Music Midtown Revisited: Day 2

2004-05-04T20:05:00.000-04:00

I woke up Sunday with a decent hangover. This one was manageable...I've certainly had worse. The weather was major yucky. I just laid on my couch and watched the clouds roll by. Despite the hangover and the weather, I was going to Music Midtown, even if I was going alone.

Courtney Love is one of those people that is easy to hate. But something about her can draw you in as well. I've really dug her music since the day she started. When I was in High School a poster of her hung on my walls. Great role model, huh? As I've gotten older, her antics have started to annoy me. She has a child, she's nearly 40--you have to grow up at some point--or at least take control of your life. But something in me will always adore her fuck you attitude because she sports it like no other. Going to see her play Sunday night was a given. Actually, she was probably the person I was most excited about seeing.

I finally drug my friends out of the house late in the afternoon. Lucy actually joined us for the Sunday adventure into the mud pit known as Music Midtown. Her husband kindly drove us there and dropped us off. It was just like we were 15 again, I loved it! No Marta, no taxis, no walking, just front door service. Man I hated being 15 when I was 15, what I wouldn't give to go back there for just a moment now!

We didn't get to the show till about 6pm and it was absolutely freezing. I was an idiot and had wore a cute little skirt to show off my new tan. I'm not sure why because being a slave to fashion certainly isn't a priority on my list. I managed though and at least I looked cute. We had about 45 minutes before the first band we wanted to see so we wandered aimlessly through the Artist's Market which was completely and totally a bore. Where were all those great artists that had been at the Dogwood Festival? They seemed to go on for miles. Music Midtown simply had a few hippie booths and nothing worth actually buying. Given that shopping is one of my favorite things, I was thoroughly disappointed.

Even though Lucy and I weren't in to seeing Jason Mraz our other friend was so we ventured to the Q100 stage for his show. You know, he's cute. He's not cute on his videos or in pictures but when I was watching him play all I could think was "aww...he's cute...I want to hug him..." But his music bored me. It was the typical folky groovy guitar show and I'd much rather see Ben Harper, Jack Johnson or G. Love over him anyday. The Remedy was good but after that it was time for me to go.

Lucy and I left our friend there and headed to the 99x stage to catch the end of Fuel and Red Letter Agent. Before we got there though we stopped and got one of those yummy festival gyros. I'd been craving one all weekend and finally broke down and forked over my $7 for the greasy lamb and pita. We'll see later that this was a major mistake.

Lucy and I found a spot on a curb, ate, chatted and watched Fuel. While we were eating people insisted on walking over us. We weren't in the path, we were way off to the side, but for some reason folks decided that right where we were sitting was where they needed to walk. One went as far as jumping OVER Lucy's head. How uncool...and rude! One day, I swear, I'm writing a book on concert etiquette.

We watched part of Red Letter Agent which was lovely. I was glad I got to see them perform. Other than the fact that they all seemed to have the same lesbian haircut, it was pretty darn cool.

Then we headed to the 99x booth. Lucy wanted to get a sticker or something....who knows. BUT, it did end up being interesting. They were playing a game and giving away prizes. One guy was supposed to catch this jello that went flying through the air in his MOUTH for a pair of Renaissance Festival passes. He couldn't do it and it landed on the ground. They grabbed it off the nasty, wet, festival street and told him if he'd try again that they'd give him one of all of their prizes. He wouldn't do it but this woman did! Ew. It missed her mouth too but she caught it with her hands and ate it anyway. That's the sickest thing I've ever seen. I don't care what you're giving away I wouldn't eat anything off that ground. We saw another chick chug half a bottle of syrup! What was WRONG with these folks?

That entertainment was short lived so we found our way to the front of the 99x stage to wait for the Courtney show to begin. It was freezing and I was cuddling behind these cute tall boys in front of me. They were making us laugh the entire wait. I wish I'd gotten their numbers or something. One even assumed I was in college...ha! I wish! I think I love him for that! When the show finally started Courtney appeared looking like a ragged crack addict. What was that outfit? It was some denim jumper with a bustier? I didn't get it. I know the 80s are back but that was just ugly. Her band was cute though. Chicks in bands are the coolest. =) She was a trainwreck...and that's being nice. I knew most all of the songs they played since it was a mix of Hole songs and songs off her new album. But I think I knew more of the words than she did. She had to read from a lyric sheet and even then she missed most of the words. She took off her top, she climbed into the crowd, she ranted and raved, she got the crowd to chant obscenities, she screamed, she cried, she did it all. You didn't know what was coming next and you couldn't take your eyes off of her because she was unlike anything else you'd ever seen. She was a one-woman show, she could have stood there and done her thing...even without the band.

I expected this from her. Everyone is talking about how horrible it was and how she's on the edge, etc. But when I saw her almost 10 years ago at Lollapalooza, it was the exact same thing. She wanted to fight a guy in the front row then...she climbed down off the stage...she talked about Kurt forever...she cried...she took off her clothes. I think this is just her. The same things she did Sunday night, she did ten years ago.

And even though her show was totally whacked out and over the top...I loved it. Why? Because she did exactly what she wanted to do. Screw the system, the festival, the people, the courts. This is Courtney, like it or not. And she did accomplish one thing...everyone in Atlanta is talking about her.

The only problem I did have with her was the fact that she didn't know the words to the songs. It's your music girly, it's what you love...you should know that shit backwards and forwards---your fans do.

About midway through the set, I started getting uncomfortable. I just didn't feel right. My entire body got weak and my tummy was hurting. By the time the show was over and we found our way to Lucy's husband's car I was doubled over in pain. Damn gyro! I spent most of the evening Sunday night puking up everything in my system. I'd practiced such restraint by not drinking and being good so that I wouldn't suffer at work the next day. That was pointless, I was up most of the night anyway. And then felt like shit at work the next day too! I even got sick last night! Please, Lord, let me be okay tonight. The thought of food just makes my tummy turn. I should have known I would get food poisoning from a freaking street vendor!
I suppose I'll survive.

So that was it. That was Music Midtown in a nutshell. Of course there was some drama, there's always drama in my life, but it was fun. Just being there and feeling the excitement in the air made it worth it. I can deal with a little roadie drama, rain and food poisoning; those things are what make the whole darn thing so interesting. I'll never forget us running through the rain, or us sitting in the back of the taxi like wet rats, or when the guy took a flying leap over Lucy's head, or the look on Scott's face when he saw me standing in the crowd. The memories, the music and the people...they're all priceless. There's no other event in Atlanta quite like it and that's why I love Music Midtown so very much. =)

Music Midtown Revisited: Day 1

2004-05-03T20:05:00.000-04:00

My body is tired and my muscles ache but my mind is racing with thoughts of all the things I saw this weekend.

I adore music festivals. When I was younger and had big dreams to be a music industry pioneer, I wanted my very own festival. There's just SO much to music festivals besides the music. There's the shopping, the eating, the advertising, the people. I walk around with my eyes wide open taking in every ounce.

I remember when I was young and I would come to Music Midtown it was just so big. Bigger than any festival I'd been to. The bands were big, the crowds were big, the stages were big. I remember just watching all of it in awe. I'm a hardcore people watcher--their actions, movements, clothes. And a festival like Music Midtown is heaven to a people watcher.

The first thing you notice is the fact that even though we're in Atlanta, we're still in the south. The country mentality creeps in to the big city for events like this. There's the heavy metal dudes still sporting their Metallica shirts; there's the mullet men who for some reason still think that hair-style is rockin' and then there's the plain old red necks, whooping and hollering like this is some country hoe-down. I've grown up around all of this and in the past I probably wouldn't have noticed it, but since I moved to California and back, stuff like this sticks out like a sore thumb.

We got there Saturday afternoon just in time to see Damien Rice. I'm not a huge fan, I wasn't really looking forward to seeing him. The girls I was with dig him so I was down for the show. It was surprisingly good--much better than I had anticipated. He was mellow and Irish and had a supercool chick singer. I just chilled for his set and soaked in my first glimpse of my surroundings. Despite the rainy forecast, it was hot and steamy. I was glad we didn't go any earlier because the heat was not my friend.

Afterwards we headed over to the Q100 stage to see Joss Stone, another one I wasn't really into seeing. Like I said, I was just going along with my friends. We found a nice spot in the shade and enjoyed the show. I wasn't really paying attention to her. She didn't grab me at all. I was too busy watching the drunken red neck sitting behind us get arrested. He pushed the cop and spit on him. It's amazing how somebody can be that trashed in that heat that early. But he was and it wasn't a pretty sight.

The Strokes were on the 99x stage next. And that was one I was looking forward to seeing. I wiggled my girls through the crowd and found a nice roomy spot close to the stage on the left side. The guys seemed uninterested in playing, or maybe they were just a wee bit stoned? Julian was in dire need of a bath. It really kinda grossed me out watching them. I wanted to throw him a big old bar of soap and some clearasil. Who is it he's dating? Some A-list actress? Girl...bathe him! Needless to say, the show was good. They played a variety of songs, most the crowd knew, but they failed to get the crowd going. There was a major lack of audience interaction. Although they were rocking, they were missing something.

The Offspring played after The Strokes, none of us had any desire to see them so this was our designated drinking hour. We downed a few beers, spotted a few great mullets and hit the lovely porta-potties. By the time we did all of that, The Offspring were done and we were once again wiggling our way to the front of the crowd with a beer in each hand waiting for the Foo Fighters to take the stage.

In an earlier post I mentioned I have a friend that works for the Foos, but he told me that he'd be in Europe working with another band. I was in total shock when I stood in front of the stage and saw Scott unloading equipment. My heart sank. Why was he here? Why did he lie? Why didn't he call me? I chugged a beer. I was going to have a good time damn it. And I did, even if I was wearing my super-pouty face. The Foos show was one of the best I've seen. Dave Grohl was funny as always and the variety of songs were true crowd pleasers. The Strokes could definitely take a few lessons from these guys. The show was loud, fun and done just the way a concert should be done. When it was over the crowd dispersed and I made my way to the front bar. I was borderline trashed and there he was, loading equipment. I called his name and he turned and saw me there. As soon as he saw me his face lit up. He was smiling from ear to ear. Even though I was as close as I could be and he was as close as he could be we were still far away. He yelled that the band he was working for in Europe canceled some shows and he was able to make it back in time for the Foos tour. Okay. Sure. I asked him if we were gonna hang out. I couldn't understand what he said really...I told him I needed three passes and he shook his head and told me to stay right there. Just as he said that we heard the thunder and felt the big heavy drops start falling on our head. One of my girls grabbed a plastic tarp off the ground and we covered ourselves. The rain started falling hard and we looked like a buncha idiot chicks. Come on Scott, get us some damn passes so we can get OUT of here. I yelled for him again he turned and told me to hold on...but my girls weren't down. They were ready to go. In reality we probably would have been better to hang out there and wait for the passes because the tarp was doing us no going walking through the monsoon. But, I was irritated and drunk. If he had wanted to see me, he should have called me earlier. Fuck you Scott.

So we ventured into the streets of Midtown in the pouring rain hopelessly looking for a Marta station with the tarp still overhead. We weren't paying attention to where we were going and I finally ditched the tarp. I looked at a map on a street corner...I live here and I couldn't figure the damn thing out. It was a terrible frantic moment. What to do? Where to go? And hello...it's RAINING! I finally wiggled through some traffic and found a cab. Screw the maps and the marta...I've got $20...ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get home. And in a matter of minutes home is where we ended up. Three single chicks, wet, drunk and at home on a Saturday night. Where are the boys in Atlanta when you need them? There was no way we could keep our going out plans...we were soaked from head to toe. We just ordered a pizza and crashed.

I expected Scott to call but he hasn't. I'm totally hurt by the whole thing. It'd be different if I didn't talk to him often. I talked to him a week ago! He can call me from Australia, London, Japan...but not call me when he's less than 50 feet away from me?! I don't know what that's all about. Maybe he had a chick with him. Maybe his family was in town. But we're certainly going to have a chat. What he did wasn't nice. And if he's not gonna be nice to me, I'm not gonna be nice to him.

I'm tired, I need sleep, Day two will come tomorrow.

PS-ATL folks, where's a good place to celebrate Cinco De Mayo? I have friends coming in to town.

2004-04-30T15:43:00.000-04:00

I know that graphic up there isn't working. Give me time..this place is getting RE-VAMPED! =D

Satanic Stairway

2004-04-30T10:55:00.000-04:00

Call me out of the loop but I've never heard this before. Thought it was interesting enough to share anyway...=)

Reality Check

2004-04-29T11:37:00.000-04:00

Well, to follow up on the Freaky Pherenome post, I hung out with Hook-Up Boy last night. He's a fun guy. We had a few drinks, watched The Osbournes and School of Rock. I adore Jack Black. I wish he had a blog. He might, I should look for it. Hook-Up boy and I chatted about work, the weekend, our friends--the usual chitchat. And as usual the actual hook-up was weird. I don't know why it's weird. I don't have feelings for him, maybe that's why it's weird. I don't really see myself being with him, ever. He's just fun to be around, and I'm having fun with him. I shouldn't think about it too much.

Afterwards, when we were cuddling in bed, my phone rang and it was my mom with some big news.

About a month ago, my little cousin, Lee, announced she was getting married. She didn't have the ring yet, but the ring had been bought. They were making plans to be married next year. She's 21 and we were raised like sisters. Our moms are best friends so we grew up together. For us to have grown up so closely we're on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. I enjoy traveling, seeing the world, going to concerts, meeting new people, exploring different cultures, etc. She on the other hand enjoys Birmingham. She's into fixing up cars for car shows...she enjoys dance clubs, and runs with a totally different crowd. We have completely different goals and desires. Which is completely fine, but needless to say as we've gotten older and grown into our own personalities we've clashed...a lot. We're notorious for arguing and fighting and wanting to pull each other's hair out. Get a few drinks into us and it's NOT a pretty sight.

So the news of the marriage, sent Mom into overprotection mode. She's been very concerned that I would feel like an "Old Maid" because Lee was getting married first. In the beginning, I did feel left out. He's 30 (she's 21 remember) and just bought a house. She was moving into a new home, getting married and starting a new life with a partner. I swallowed my pride and sent her my congratulations and on Friday night when I was in town, Mom and I went to her new house to meet him. The house didn't impress me. It's cute and your typical cluster home. There's about 200 of them just like it in the neighborhood. I didn't like the floorplan, at all, and when I saw it, I realized I could have a house JUST LIKE IT tomorrow if I wanted one, and I'd probably pay less than I'm paying in rent now. It's cute, it's great for them but it isn't what I want. The same thing goes for him. He's a nice guy and since he's closer to my age than hers we know a lot of the same people. At least he CLAIMED to know a lot of the people I know, of course most of them didn't have a clue who HE is. I hate people like that. He's in the military and just got back from Iraq. He showed us the bullet shell from the first person he killed. whatever. That doesn't impress me. Although he insists that she finish school, he doesn't have a degree, although he's got a pretty good job. He's cute but not anywhere close to my type. All in all, I don't want him either! He's good for her, I think he does encourage her and bring her up, BUT, I wouldn't want him. SO, all my "Old Maid" fears were washed out the door because even though she was getting the wedding and the new life, it wasn't a life I wanted. Plus, I wouldn't give up my experiences from 21 till now for ANYTHING.

Last night, my phone rings again and it's mom with more Lee news. Yesterday she found out that she's pregnant. I believe she's only about a month pregnant, but it's a huge shock to everyone, and changes all of the plans. It's all very fresh and new so the details haven't been ironed out. I know my Aunt was extremely upset and had to get out of the house it was so intense. Lee insists that she loves this baby already and although it wasn't planned it was in the future plans.
I think the initial shock has been pretty upsetting, but truly a baby isn't a terrible thing. It may not be expected or in the plans but you just kinda have to take it as it comes. Mom pointed out that she had me when she was younger than Lee and she was 9 months pregnant when she graduated from Jr. college....and her and I have had a pretty darn good life. It just changes everything. They have to rush the wedding now...it won't be as big, etc. They won't be able to go out as a young married couple, and of course there's the time and expense. So yeah, it may not be ideal, but it isn't the end of the world. I'm not sure they see it that way right now, but eventually they will.

Mom and I are pretty excited. =D It's not OUR baby, we can send it home whenever we want...but we get to play with it and spoil it and be a part of its life. =) It'll be nice to have a baby in the family--holidays will be special again. Santa will come and we can hunt Easter eggs. All that fun stuff. =) Plus my Grandfather is getting older, quickly. I know he'll love having a baby around again. It'll be good that he gets to see it and be around it. I'm sure they all expected it to be MY baby at this point...but I'm glad it's not! ha!

So any thoughts I had about being an "Old Maid" are done. She's got a lot going on and it makes me realize how happy I am with my little single, apartment-renting, independent, single life. I wouldn't trade places for any thing.

I cuddled with Hook-Up boy as the reality of it all hit me. A baby. My little cousin is having a baby. I could have a baby. I could have a baby with Hook-Up boy. You never know what's in the plans. What's that old saying? Life's what happens when you're busy making other plans? DO I want a baby with Hook-Up boy? NOT AT ALL. I'll certainly be more careful with all of my actions. It could happen and it would turn my world upside down. Maybe that's why the hook up was so weird. Maybe deep down somewhere, I knew better.

Groupie-Whore

2004-04-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

Last year was a good year for me. I'm not so sure what I accomplished, I wasn't working, but I did have a good time. I traveled the country, I saw lots of kick ass bands, I moved to California and I came home. I guess if anything I figured out that home will always be home.

It dawned on me that last year this time was when all the good stuff started happening. By now, I'd already been to the Birmingham, West Palm Beach, Orlando, Tampa, Nashville and Atlanta Pearl Jam shows. I'd been front row 4 times and I'd even been back stage. I'd had parties for the opening band at my apartment. I'd had guitarists flirt with me. I'd made so many great friends. I had random fans find me at shows because they'd heard of me. I'd had people do mean things, why? because they were ignorant, elitist assholes. But most importantly this time last year, I was floating on cloud nine.

Although I adore Pearl Jam, there were other bands around too. The Foo Fighters show which was almost exactly a year ago in Birmingham stands out. Two good friends of ours were working for them. They were roadie/techs that we'd met on the Pop Disaster Tour a year or so before. Ironically their cell phones weren't working in the good old 'Ham so we actually never got in touch with them. It was strange being in the crowd, watching this band play and seeing our friends scurrying around helping them do the things they needed to do. It's amazing the barriers at rock shows. One minute you're a total outsider and in the next moment you can be totally in. After the show, we were standing in the crowd and one of our friends spotted us. He stopped, yelled to some security guards and in a matter of moments, we were in.

You never know who you'll see backstage. Usually you don't see rock stars. This evening I saw an old friend I'd known since High School. We found a dressing room with a cooler full of beer, made ourselves comfy and got to drinking. =) The guys were working, taking down the stage, so we were all alone. The Foo Fighters were doing a meet and greet and their family filled the dressing rooms around us. I literally ran into Taylor the drummer, when I was running down the stairs.

By the time our friends got done taking down the stage we had a pretty good buzz going. They moved our beer fest to their tour bus. We followed them down a long hallway and out a door where we were greeted by hundreds of fans waiting for autographs. Most of my life I've been one of those fans waiting for a glimpse of my favorite rockers. I felt bad for them knowing that the guys were hanging with their families and that it would be a while before they came out. I saw a friend of mine in the crowd and he yelled to get my attention. I wisked him away with us to the tour bus. It was strange being on the other side.

On the tour bus we caught up with our friends. They told us about their adventures on the road since the last time we saw them and how nice it was to pull in to town and see familiar faces. We told jokes, watched videos, listened to music and laughed. Those guys are good at making us laugh.

This wasn't the first time I'd been backstage at a show...I've been backstage at several. Considering I studied Public Relations with the intention of working for a band and living on the road, being backstage feels like home to me. That career path never came to be but I still enjoy it nonetheless. I've been called a groupie so many times in my life that the term doesn't even phase me anymore. But we're really not groupies. We see the girls backstage, scantily dressed and throwing themselves at the stars. Security usually kicks them out after everyone's gotten a good look. We're not sneaking off to back rooms and bathrooms giving head to the guys that got us in. We're hanging out. We're being ourselves. We're doing what we would any night at a bar...we're having fun. And because of that we get respect from these guys. They call us, they e-mail us, they keep in touch. They're truly our friends. And when they all meet up at the big huge European Festivals they do talk about us....but they say good things.."Oh I partied with KC and Stella last month.." "Right on...they're such cool chicks, I love Atlanta shows.." We're not road-sluts, and we don't have the reputation of being that.

Romances do happen. I won't say I've never dated a band guy that lived on the road. But they're usually slow moving and hard to keep going. But even then it was about the guy, not the band. The first and only guy I dated that lived on the road...I'd never even heard of the band he worked for. He'd get so upset when I'd get drunk and talk shit about them. Over the years I grew to love their music and I grew to love the guys, but it certainly wasn't a situation where I was with him to get close to the band. It was an instant chemistry with us. Just thinking about him now makes me smile. =)

This weekend the Foo Fighters are rolling in to town for Music Midtown. I'm really excited to see them play again. They put on such a great show. Will I be partying backstage? Nope. My friends are on the road with different bands right now. One will be in town the next weekend though, and the other is in Europe. Regardless I know this weekend is going to be a huge party! I don't need a backstage pass and free beer to have a good time! Sure, those guys can make me laugh and throw a pretty killer party, but I've been known to do that myself! =)

A year ago, I was watching the Foos rock out...and I'll be watching them rock out again, Friday. I'm psyched. =) Hopefully this'll be the start of another kick butt year!

Freaky Pherenomes

2004-04-27T09:00:00.000-04:00

I've had quite a dry spell in the boy department recently. It's unlike me but it's welcomed. I'm not really in the mood to deal with all of that. Plus after my adventures on the West Coast, and remembering what it was like to have hardcore butterflies in my tummy, the guys I know here bore me. I certainly DON'T have the butterflies with any of them. So, I've been content without the drama of having a boy in my life. But the past day or two I've had this overwhelming desire for companionship. I must be emitting some hardcore pherenomes because last night, they all came running.

First there was the hookup friend. He's actually been trying to get together with me for the past week or so but...eh...I wasn't in the mood. But yesterday, he called like 3 times! We made tentative plans to hang out tonight, and I'm glad. Like I said, the past couple of days, I've been craving the companionship and I know he'll give it to me.

Then, last night when I signed online I saw an OLD friend of mine. This guy is quite a bit older than me but we've known each other for probably 10 years. He worked in the music industry and used to send me concert tickets and passes. He's always been cool. He lives in Seattle and when I was in town a few years ago we partied together. I recently heard he got married and had a baby, so I IMed him to congratulate him. The conversation was nice but before I knew it he was professing this undying crush he's had on me and he went into details I didn't want to know! I kept thinking 'Hello! You should have told me all of this YEARS ago...' of course back then, I would have been too young to have known what to do with it. The whole conversation was completely random and totally bizarre, it's the pherenomes I tell ya!

After that, I get a call from a guy I used to date when I lived here before. He had helped me move some furniture when I first moved in and reminded me that I owed him dinner. I totally know I do, but every time I try to take him he's got other plans. Last night he tells me 'A pizza, dvd and an evening hanging out at your place will do too...' whoa. I know what *that* means. He wanted to hang out tonight as well, BUT I've already got plans with Hookup Boy. I told him we'd have to play it by ear. I'm not really even sure this is a place I want to go. Okay, yeah, right about now I do. =D

I won't even mention the call I got right before bed from another ex.

Or the e-mail I got from one of my West Coast boys describing some pretty naughty things he was missing, and that I needed to come for a visit.

Why yesterday? Why did I get attacked by all of the boys in my little world?? Could they sense the fact that I was craving some attention from a boy? Ya think the pherenomes are so strong they could sense them without even being around me? Or ya think it's just one of those strange coincidences? Whatever it is...I like it. =) heehee..I like it this week anyway. If all this had happened last Monday, I probably wouldn't have responded to any of them! =D

The most insane proposal I got yesterday actually came before all of the ones I've already mentioned, and I'm sure has NOTHING to do with pherenomes but it's worth talking about. I was at work yesterday afternoon and got an e-mail from Lucy. A friend of hers (not mine, HERS) is trying to catch her HUSBAND cheating on her. SO, she's created a fake e-mail account to flirt with him online. He's made plans to meet the girl at a hotel. The catch is the wife who is really the girl behind the fake e-mail address told him she had brown hair, brown eyes and big boobs...which isn't her at all. They think I'd fit the description perfectly and have asked me to meet this girl's HUSBAND at the hotel so she can catch him cheating on her! These people have lost their damn minds! I'm not getting mixed up in some random people's drama. No way, Jose. I've got enough drama in my own life to take on the drama of some folks I don't even know! SOMEbody has been watching WAY too many Lifetime movies!

SO, regardless, yesterday was eventful. More importantly is how eventful tonight will be. =)

PS- I'm feeling better! I didn't take any advil at all yesterday evening! yay! Hopefully I'm on the road to a full recovery!

The Flasher

2004-04-26T09:20:00.000-04:00

There's lots of things that need to be said about this weekend...like how my mom lost my cat...TWICE...or my little cousin is marrying a doof...But, I won't go there. At least not right now.

This was race weekend in Alabama. Oh. Gah. For years, I've referred to it as the "Red Neck Woodstock" and it is. When you pass Talladega on the interstate on race weekend all you see is a sea of winnebago's and tents. It really does look like the campground at Woodstock. On race weekend, I bet there is more Budweiser in a 2 mile radius of that race track than in the entire state of Alabama. Nothing like a buncha drunk race fans. This weekend was no exception.

When I came to Talladega on my drive over I saw the tents like always. And I smiled knowing what a shin-dig they were throwing over there in the HUGE field. And then I noticed these people standing at the fence. They were waving to all the cars driving by and one of the women had their shirt pulled up, bare-breasted, for all the world to see.

I cracked up. Man. You don't see stuff like that in Atlanta....only in Alabama is there a drunken race fan flashing the folks on the interstate. =P

Sadists, free stuff and hot mailboys!

2004-04-23T15:51:00.000-04:00

Today has been one of those crazy days!

I was up till about 1am this morning because my teeth were throbbing horribly. At 1 I gave in and took a pain pill. As soon as I got to work I called the oral surgeon to make sure that your teeth are still supposed to hurt 2 WEEKS after surgery. They told me to come in immediately. I think my oral surgeon's nurse is a sadist. "Where does it hurt?" "in the back on my right side.." "Oh..okay." :poke poke: OW! Hello..if that's where it hurts don't poke around on it and make it hurt more! She did say everything was fine though. She said I was healing well (yeah right..then why does it still hurt?!) and to give it a few more days. That's what they told me a week ago...BUT I guess there's nothing we can do. They did take out my stitches. I'm officially stitchless.

I went back to work in severe pain. I think these people think I'm nuts. But I think the tears this morning showed them I'm for real. I popped 4 advil (which she told me was WAY too much to have to take 2 weeks after surgery. Oh well...if I'm hurting..I'm taking it) and about 30 minutes later...things calmed down back there.

I'm glad I DON'T have a boyfriend right now. Poor thing would be deprived right about now.

I took an extended lunch and went to a promotional expo with Martha, my former roommate who is a Marketing chick as well. It was fun getting all kinds of free goodies and I did get a few ideas. The girls in the office were happy when I came back with all kinds of free pens and notepads. I did keep the extra cool stuff for myself though. =P

Tonight, I'm going to Birmingham to visit my family. Yay! The kitty is coming with me. 2 hours in the car with a cat should be fun! ha! I would really rather leave him at the apartment BUT, mom wants to see him. I'm being a good daughter and bringing the grandkitty for a visit. I'll be getting my hair cut while I'm in town, I'll also be visiting my dad and grandparents--lovely. These weekends at home are always so jam packed. Hopefully at some point I'll get a chance to chill and enjoy being off from work.

OH! I saw the absolute most BEAUTIFUL boy at the mailboxes of my apartment complex last night. He was tall with shaggy blonde hair...blue blue eyes...dark tan and awesome style. He had on this retro looking, faded red shirt that said "Amsterdam" across it. How cool! I don't know what it was about him but he was gorgeous! I was pulling into the spot next to the mailboxes so I could hop out and quickly grab my mail and I saw him standing there throwing out junk mail. I looked at him and he looked at me and I looked away. I was completely drawn to him and I needed more....so I turned and looked at him again...and he turned and looked at me again...and then I turned away. I'm SUCH a wuss...I should have smiled or spoken. But as soon as our eyes would lock I couldn't hang. It was just way too much for this little single girl. My apartment complex is pretty darn big...over 300 apartments...so who knows if I'll ever see him again. I've seen most of the folks in my building but never him. He must be in another one...probably the one MOST far away from me. I bet I'll never see him again. =( Ahh...I love mailboy.

Okay...I better run. Lots to do.

Everyone go out and enjoy the sun this weekend! Have a good one!

Being Cool...

2004-04-22T12:28:00.000-04:00

Going to the show last night was refreshing. It was in Little 5 Points and I haven't been there in ages.
When I was in High School we used to drive over every chance we got to shop and just hang out with the cool folks of Atlanta. Lucy and I were laughing about how L5P was THE hip place back then. We had to wear our "cool" clothes and go to the "cool" places. We were SUCH nerds! =D

My friend, who I will refer to as Mama Stipe was there with her daughter, Sister Stipe, who is 16 and her daughter's friend whose name doesn't matter. After dinner I was standing outside enjoying a smoke and Sister Stipe said "I love L5P. Everytime I'm here I feel like I live in a big city." I retorted, without even thinking "You DO live in a big city.." I think my enthusiasm scared her. Because my friends grew up here, I think they don't realize that this *IS* one of the largest metropolitan areas in our country, certainly the largest in the south. That was my whole point in my earlier friends post: this city has SO much to offer, we should be taking advantage of that! I told her the stories about me skipping my senior prom to go to Music Midtown and how we'd drive 2 hours after school just to hang out in L5P. She lives minutes away from all of this, her 16 year old self she be all over it. I know I was when I was 16 and I lived over a 100 miles away!

But she was right. It did feel like we were in a city last night. We had dinner and walked the few blocks to the show. I was reminded that this was why I moved to Atlanta, so I could enjoy evenings like this. Even the drive through downtown to L5P was nice. AND I discovered that I live MUCH closer to VA Highlands and L5P than I thought. That's exciting to me because I miss the Highlands. I thought I was on the otherside of the world...but it was only a 10 minute drive. It took that long when I lived on that side of town!

The show was way cool. Pedro the Lion..well..I can't say much for them really. Too mellow for me. Ben Kweller rocked the house. He's Beck meets some hardcore hippie-folk singer. I loved him! It's like he just stepped out of Dazed and Confused, man. I have never seen anyone play the guitar so intensely. His guitar had scrape marks from him strumming so hard! It was wild. The rest of the night you could hear the folks throughout the venue talking about him and how "amazing" he was. And he was. I'm officially a BK fan now. =) I only stayed for 4 or so Death Cab for Cutie songs. My teeth were killing me and it was getting late. They were good though. I woke up this morning wishing I'd stayed longer. I'll have a chance to see them again I'm sure. Pedro and Death Cab are both Seattle bands. Death Cab certainly looked the part.

Since I left early, that meant I had to walk back to my car alone. I laughed about how paranoid everyone was about it. I reminded them that I live alone...everything I do...I do alone. I wasn't scared. I can't live in fear. If I did, I wouldn't truly be living.

It was cool. The bands were fun to watch, I had a nice evening with my friends, and I got out and enjoyed the town. I feel much cooler for having gone. =)

throbbing...

2004-04-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

Well, how'd ya like that pity party last night? ha! Eh well...moments like that come and go. I do need to meet more people though. Hopefully things will change as the weather warms up and folks are more active--me being one of them.

My teeth are hurting pretty bad right now. I ate Subway for lunch...a simple turkey sandwich...and it killed my mouth. Who would have thought a sandwich would be so hard to eat? But with all the bread and the chewing. I think I knocked out my stiches actually...cause one is hanging and it's totally throbbing back there. Why do I even still HAVE stiches? Shouldn't those be gone by now? Why oh why has this been such a disaster?! Okay...that's my teeth ranting for today.

A guy I know said something mean to me today. He's an old man really. And I used to think he was really sweet and southern. Now I just think he's an old asshole man. That's ok. I can think that.

Tonight I'm going to see Pedro the Lion, Ben Kweller and Death Cab for Cutie. Lucy and her husband are going (amazing!) and another friend of mine and her daughter and her daughter's friend are going as well. We should have a good time. I'm not really as excited about seeing Ben Kweller as I thought I'd be. Death Cab should be good but I don't think any of them want to stay that late. Pansies. I might just stay by myself. Dang it. =D

Courtney Love is now on the Midtown lineup. I can't wait to see this spectacle! Boobs and bitching...that's what I predict. There's nothing quite like a rock star in the middle of a nervous break down.

I talked to a friend of mine in Seattle last night. I think I want to live in Seattle next. I'm going back to my original plan...this year=ME...I'm gonna get my shit together and I'm going to move there with a totally different mind frame. I'm going to move there armed to take on the world...unlike when I moved to California. I have good friends there already, I love the city, and I know people that I can room with. The cost of living is comperable to the cost of living here, some of my favorite music comes out of there and something has ALWAYS drawn me there. Seattle has always been calling my name. I just need to go there and see what happens.

She did tell me some juicy gossip too. It apears that the leader singer of my favorite rock band is about to be a daddy. His girlfriend has been parading around town about to pop. I'm really happy about it. I think he's always wanted kids. He's always playing with the children sidestage at the shows and talking about children. I think this is a good thing. I talk about him as if I know him. I guess in a way I do...we all do. He'll be 40 this year..it's time. BUT. this news made me feel very very OLD. He's supposed to be climbing to the roof and jumping into the crowd and doing other 20-something rock star things....not studying up on birthing techniques with the woman in his world! =P They can have a baby...just don't quit doing what you do...don't take away my tunes. =)

Tomorrow I shall share all the details of all the going ons of the show tonight. Aren't you excited??

Occupied...

2004-04-20T19:33:00.000-04:00

There's a new blog that I've found that I enjoy reading. It's called Mars vs. Venus and she's a 30 something living here in Atlanta. She reminds me of an older version of myself really. She's looking to buy a house and the one she's found is adorable! I hope that when I'm in my 30s I can be looking to buy a house in the $200s range! These days it's tough to make it living in my little one bedroom apartment. ha! She recently posted about her friends here in Atlanta...and how hard it is being single and finding good single friends here.

Which is a totally touchy subject for me because it's an issue I have issues with as well. All my life I've had a million friends. I still do...I have some really great friends all over the country---Seattle, Dallas, Birmingham. I even have some great friends here in Atlanta...but none that are single. None that want to go to the movies or the mall or out to dinner or to one of the millions of festivals or concerts that are here in town. Not to mention hit the town for a night of adventure.

Lucy was my best friend when I lived here before. We're so much alike. We liked the same music, we had the same ideals and values, we enjoyed doing all of the same stuff. She was my best buddy...and I always had a blast hanging out with her. And then she got married. Don't get me wrong...I do like her husband. He's a good guy and they're very much in love. But now, it's like pulling teeth to get them to do ANYTHING. They don't want to go to a bar anymore because to them it's wasting money. They don't want to go to any of the festivals or concerts or events because now that it's two of them it's too expensive. They will go out to eat dinner. But that's an issue too because they bought a house about 20 miles outside the city. We still talk daily. But we never see each other and we never hang out.

My other good friend was my roommate when I lived here before. We were roommates though and we realize our differences. She's not one to just...hang out. Plus she's always working late. We do go out sometimes on the weekends...but it's kind of boring. Her and I don't have that same friendship connection.

My other friends have families. I understand why they don't want to be fun, city girls with me.

And that's pretty much my circle of friends here in Atlanta. I know a few folks here and there, but none I truly consider friends.

So what's a girl to do? I feel so alone and unsettled. I've been back 4 months now and I still spend most weekend sitting right here in front of this dumb machine. I hate this machine. No, I really love it. I'm such a nerd.

The company I work for is very small and everyone there is twice my age. Work is certainly not an outlet to meet new people.

Bars? ew. Isn't it weird to try to meet GIRLS at bars? It's hard enough meeting boys!

I know I should join some kind of group...but which one and how do I find out about it? A book club? That'd be cool..but where do I find one of those? I need some kind of music organization I can volunteer with. But how do I find one of those?? I just don't know what to do. I'm lost in this big bad city all alone.

It'd be nice for a tall, dark and handsome boy to enter the picture right about now. =D That would probably keep me occupied for a while.....

A Mixed Breed...

2004-04-20T09:16:00.000-04:00

I feel like I just opened the curtains and a flood of light rushed in. The haze is starting to clear. I'm starting to feel better. I'm not at 100% by any means. But I'm probably about 90% and I can deal with that for now.

Thank you Shelli and Robbie for your kind comments. =) I really didn't think it'd be such a huge ordeal...but as you guys know...nothing in my life goes very smoothly. =D Thanks for being such good friends. =)

I hope that in a week from now I'm back to 100%. This is when my life kicks in to warp speed.

This weekend: HOME. I haven't been home since January. I need to see my family, get a haircut and visit friends. Going home this weekend is necessary.

Next weekend: Music Midtown. And I'll tell ya right now, I'm letting loose for this one. By then it'll have been 3-4 weeks since I've done annnything fun. SO, I intend to watch some rockin bands, drink some beer and have one of those unforgettable weekends.

The weekend after that: Blink 182. Which isn't completely exciting. I've seen them SO many times and they're really not that good live. BUT, a friend of ours works for them and it'll be nice to see him again. Actually, you never know what's gonna happen seeing him. Last time we did was in San Diego and he had this red vodka from Iceland. It was amazing. It was the best liquor I've ever had. EVER. And led to an interesting night to say the least.

After that details are fuzzy BUT, I know that my mom and aunt are coming to visit in May. Lucy's birthday is also in May. Not to mention Mother's Day and mom's graduation. The BIG trip we still haven't finished planning is sometime soon too. And before I know it...IT will be here. ::sigh:: My 25th birthday. That's okay...I'm not gonna let it get to me. I'm gonna celebrate...have a party...do something fun. =) It's just one huge event after another. Summer is like that for me. And for the most part, I love it. =) I think that's why this is my favorite time of the year. It's not terribly hot. There's lots going on. It's pretty outside. People are enjoying being outside. The flowers are blooming. =)

I'm glad to see these things pouring out of me. I've been fighting off depression the past few days. That's what happens to me after 10 days of being cooped up in the bed. I start feeling sorry for myself and I spent most of the weekend moping. What's a girl to do when she's down in the dumps like that??? SHOP! And Shopping I did! I got 4 pairs of shoes...3 purses and one shirt. I was shoe shopping...and I think I accomplished my shoe goal! I got work shoes, going out shoes, and comfy summer sandals. I was quite pleased. The 3 purses I accidentally stumbled upon. The purses ARE right next to the shoes ya know. They were on major sale too. I got two $65 name-brand purses, one that is purple leather and SO cute (although purple is my favorite color, I've never had a purple purse), for $13! Come on now! That is a deal I could NOT pass up! And the shirt...is totally retro. =P I figured with so many events in my future...a new shirt would do me some good. It was a little spring shopping spree and it made me feel good! I think the main thing was that it was good to be out of the house! My bank account suffered but I think, it was good for my spirit. That made it worth all the blown cash. Not to mention I got some super cool stuff! =P

Girls are SO good at rationalizing! =D

A letter to my best friend....

2004-04-16T14:22:00.000-04:00

okay, all that stuff about it not being so bad. I take that back. This has been the worst week of my LIFE. Coming off of the vicodin I've been in EXTREME pain. I don't know if it's just me or what..but most people don't have this. I didn't go to work Monday or Tuesday...went Wednesday...went half a day yesterday and was an hour late this morning. I wake up in the middle of the night when the pain pills wear off just bawling...my whole body is tense. It's awful. I understand the freakish creativity that escapes people in pain now...you just want to pull your hair out...do anything to make it stop. Everyday I'm counting the minutes till I can get home and take my medicine. 4 advils do nothing.

It's this intense throbbing in the back of your jaw. It's sore and soft and makes you hold your mouth funny. You talk funny, you breath funny, you eat funny, you breathe funny. THEN, everytime you eat you have to take this syringe and stick it down in the holes that are in the back of your jaw. Yes..HOLES IN YOUR JAW...and apparently in my case there's some exposed nerves there because when I stick the syringe in...I feel it....and then I have to squirt it full of saline water. IT is horrendous. Water flushing out the holes in your jaw where little particles of food and goo have formed right over a NERVE. My gah. It's horrible. The first time the nurse did it, I was in so much pain, I burst in to tears. And everytime since then tears come in my eyes.

I've actually spent many nights crying...hoping, wishing, that anything would make it stop. Some nights even the vicodin doesn't help. It's hell, truly hell.

This morning I was a little better. Only one half of my jaw hurt when I woke up. And I took 3 advil and it eased up enough for me to get ready for work. Sometimes the advil helps and it eases up enough to go through the day without crying. But you can only take them every 4 hours...and they usually wear off after about 2 and a half. That leaves a good hour....hour and a half where i'm just sitting here in pain watching the clocking...waiting...ugh.

The vicodin usually helps but it knocks me out. Within an hour of taking it..I'm usually passed out. That's how I've spent my evenings...laying on the couch sleeping off a vicodin high. It's like it's my heroin. I get through my days so I can get home and take my pills. I can see an addiction forming in my little world. Especially considering the persription spam e-mails I find sitting in my e-mail inbox. They all scream VICODIN...I've never even paid any attention to them before. Now, I notice them. They're the only thing that really helps the pain go away though. He gave me some that weren't as strong as the ones I was on at first. They suck.

I don't really see myself becoming addicted. I see the potential but I think I know better. Plus, it makes me sleep. I sleep enough as it is. If I'm gonna become addicted to pills, you'd think it's be some nice, fancy upper.

Some good has come from this though. I haven't had a cigarette in over 7 days. Do I want one? Oh yes. I'd love to be puffing away right now. Has it been hard? Not really. There's so much going on in my mouth right now...the last thing I want to do is inhale some smoke.

I'm starving now but I dread eating. Then I have to do the hole cleaning process and I hate that.

I'm rambling. I've been out of touch with reality for a while now. It's good to write.

I did see Courtney Love last night. She certainly is going off the deep end. I think it was expected though. It's been 10 years...I guess she deserves a nervous breakdown. Did you hear her talking about Frances?! ha! Calling her a fascist?! that was wild. And Mrs. S? I didn't see Mrs. S...but she did remind me of someone although I can't remember who right now.

Chicken-Marrow Man is supposed to be with J5 this tour. I haven't talked to him though. I checked the dates and no Atlanta show...which is strange...they're RAPPERS...and they play everywhere BUT Atlanta. I'll let him know you'll be in New Orleans though...maybe you guys can hook up.

Sparta playing Birmingham. You did tell me that. Is it confirmed though? Looks like their tour is pretty firm till after Coachella. New album is in June I think so yeah they'll probably tour this summer. You'll probably be gone though! You'll have to go see them in SD!
I was gonna tell you this...if you don't want me to go to Blink 182 I understand. I mean it's wrong for me to assume that you'd take me along. If you want to take M., I totally understand.

Bowie in New Orleans. Hm. Yeah, there's a good chance Trent will be there....you should go! Ditch the bachelorette party and go see Trent! ha! Take him to the cemetery and look for my boyfriend. I know YOU'LL have sex in a graveyard! =P you freak!

I heard Lollapalooza is gonna be like Woodstock/Coachella/Bonaroo etc. this year. It's just gonna be one big show at one location. That's all I've heard though.
I've actually been thinking about doing Bonaroo. There's like...NOBODY on the lineup that I even want to see, but it's like 3 hours from here and it's a big music festival. I'm sure it would be fun. Something different to do one weekend. And it's not like you really SEE any of the bands at festivals like that anyway.

okay...my teeth are really starting to hurt again. I can't think anymore. SEE! I just took 3 advil 2 hours ago! I have to wait 2 more hours before I can take annnything. This is hell.

Drugs...

2004-04-12T20:16:00.000-04:00

Despite the drug-induced haze I've been living under the past 4 days...I'm doing okay.

Surgery went well. I actually woke up DURING it. I guess you're not supposed to try to talk to the Dr. while he's yanking your teeth out.

It wasn't bad though. And it certainly wasn't painful.

The past four days have flown by in a blur. Pills, sleep, food, pills, sleep, food. I'm so glad mom was here to take care of me.

I intended to go to work today, but didn't make it. My jaw hurt so I took some more pills and went back to sleep. This afternoon my jaw started hurting again. I hope I'm not getting dry sockets.

I'm ready to eat real food now. I'd like some chips and salsa and a sandwich. Nothing fancy. Just chips and salsa.

I'm ready to brush my teeth too. You know, reeeeally brush them. Get deep down in the crevices...with a REAL toothbrush...not the cute purple swilry Scooby-Doo one mom bought.

I'd like a big fat long cigarette too. I havne't missed those as much as I thought I would though.

I have a feeling I won't remember posting this. I don't really even remember what I said in the beginning of the post.

I don't remember much of anything these days.

My cat is WILD.

15 hours to go.

2004-04-08T19:37:00.000-04:00

My phone has been ringing off the hook tonight! I didn't think I had this many friends left in Atlanta! Everyone is sending me their well wishes on the big tooth surgery tomorrow. That feels good. It's good to know that they all care about it.

Everyone keeps asking if I'm nervous. You know, I'm not nervous like I thought I'd be. I think it's dread more than nerves.

I've found out that 50% of women that take birth control pills will get dry sockets. That's just LOVELY. SO, I'm convinced that I'll get them. Especially since I'm a smoker. I doubt I'll start puffing away right after surgery or anything...but next week when I'm at work...I'm sure I'll be dying for a smoke. Maybe it won't be so bad and maybe I'll quit.

SO. I'm gonna be out of commision for a few days. Who knows when I'll be back here typing out all of the gory details for you. It may not be bad at all. I could be here tomorrow evening. It could be next week. We'll just have to see.

Randomness...

2004-04-07T08:49:00.000-04:00

All seems to be well with the "fire"...but it got me to thinking...the buzzing was loud OUTSIDE my apartment...not in. And I know if there was a fire IN my apartment I'd hear my fire alarm..but dang it if there's a fire upstairs while I'm sound asleep...I'd kinda like to know...ya know?? And I know I won't be able to hear that in my coma-like sleep.

While talking to "my friend" Monday night he referred to us as dating. Dating? Boy, you gotta take me out to dinner and drinks before we're dating. That caught me completely off gaurd. And I'm still not sure what to think of it.

Anxiety has certainly set in. I really hate anxiety. I won't even be thinking about my teeth or surgery or anything and I'll lay in the bed...tossing and turning....feeling like toothpicks are holding my eyes wide open. Once I finally do get to sleep I'm up every hour. The sleep I'm getting isn't GOOD sleep. It's just sleep. I have pills that do help with this. They knock me right out...but then I go thruogh the next day like a zombie. I figure I'll take them tonight. I'm going to be a mess tomorrow and and Firday morning. It probably won't hurt anything to be zombie-like.

I took down that silly chatterbox. It was making this blog have all kinds of pop-ups and I hate pop-ups. If I expect anyone to read this...I knew I had to get rid of them.

Robbie, you rock. You're the one person from AOL that has followed me here and read me consistently. =) Thanks dear! I saw that you're on spring break. I hope you're enjoying it. =) Isn't bloglines the greatest invention ever??

That's about it. The only thing on my mind has been teeth teeth teeth. I'll be glad when all of this is over. Sometimes dread is the worst part. In my world it is anyway.

My apartment caught on fire!!!

2004-04-05T21:08:00.000-04:00

Well not MY apartment...but an apartment a few floors up did. I don't know the extent of the damage. The fire department isn't here or anything but everyone is certainly in a frenzy.

I was just about to get in total relaxation mode and I heard this faint, distant buzzing. I first thought it was on TV but when it continued after the program went off I went to inspect.

Sure enough it was coming from outside and when I opened my door I saw flashing lights and folks just staring.

See...I know no neighbors and I was thrust onto the balcony by curiosity wearing only my little bitty pajamas. Great. I see what looks like a BBQ grill upstairs on the 5th floor on fire and smoke billowing. I see two guys dash down the stairs and then back up with fire extinguishers in hand. Folks are gathered all around and there's a hushed excitement. I'm all alone. In my pajamas.

I run back in, change, and head back out. By then, everyone was heading back into their apartments. It appears to have been taken care of...but there's still that annoying....::honk:: ::honk:: ::honk::...........::honk:: ::honk:: ::honk::.......

I wonder how long that will last.

4.4.4 and more...

2004-04-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

I actually had a really nice weekend. My radio stayed on 99x the entire time and I was diggin the "Smells like the 90s with a spotlight on Pearl Jam" weekend. It was nice to listen to some old tunes...seemed to clear my mind a bit.

To my surprise Lucy and Desi wanted to go to the Dogwood Festival. Them not wanting to do anything except relish in the fact that they're married has become a common occurrence. Which annoys me cause I'm ready to get out and about in this town! I want something to DO! If I'm not going to take advantage of the cultural and social scene of Atlanta...I might as well move back to Po-dunk, Alabama. At least it's cheaper there.

Regardless, we rolled out of the house about 3pm on Saturday and fought our way through traffic to the park. It was a BEAUTIFUL day! We checked out the frisbee dog competition and then walked around the arts and crafts exhibit.
I ran into one of my favorite artists and bought yet another piece of his work.
Isn't it the greatest?! I love the whole play on pop! ha! It just seems to fit music these days...and certainly describes American culture at this point in time. I have it hanging in my office, along with all of my other music related items. It looks great there! The blue is so vivid. It makes me happy.

I looooved this one too... but he was all out of it. Of course! My walls are all full anyway. His name is Darrin Hoover and I love him! It's a good thing he didn't have the stiletto one! I didn't need to spend the money...and I could have gone wild buying his stuff!! BUT I love my new little piece of pop culture! =) That should keep me satisfied for a while.

Afterwards we headed to a cute little, hole in the wall, critically acclaimed Mexican restaurant and settled in for the hour wait. Me teeth were hurting and I sucked down two margaritas in no time. Margaritas are my new thing. I absolutely LOVE them but unfortunately, after two I'm completely smashed. We chatted with a nice couple during our wait. She was from Brazil and he was a red-neck from Marietta. Her accent was beautiful though and you could tell she was a total looker in her day. By the time we got a table we were mighty buzzed...and we scarfed the super-yummy food. I understand now why the critics love it and why there's an hour wait. It really IS that good.

Then we decided to hang out at my house for a bit. "The friend" I mentioned a few posts before called and he wanted to hang out with us too...so he showed up with a smile on his face and beer in hand. When he walked in he smacked me on my ass...lol I think that's the first time he's ever even TOUCHED me in front of friends. We all watched SNL and drank and laughed. Lucy was passed out in no time and after a few beers I was ready to join her. Lucy and Desi left shortly after and my "friend" hung out for a little longer. I anticipated him spending the night. He asked what my plans were for the next day and if I intended to sleep in. In my drunken haze I knew I'd be sleeping late. He wanted to get up early so, we parted ways at the door. Suited me just fine. I wanted to pass out anyway.

Sunday I had a lazy cleaning day. It wasn't one of those days where I went from one project to the next, hurriedly getting the entire house done. I was slow about it. I'd work on the kitchen for a little bit. Watch TV for a while...then work on the bathroom. Then goof off online. etc. Regardless, I did get a lot done. But my house still isn't clean enough for mom to come and crash for the weekend. It will be though, just give me a few days.

An intimate experience...

2004-04-02T19:02:00.000-05:00

During my morning routine of eating breakfast and watching the Today show, something strange happened. I saw Kurt Cobain's face flash on the screen and live Nirvana footage was the intro to the TODAY SHOW from a commercial break.

This bugged me. I'm well aware of the fact that the 10 year anniversary of Kurt's death is closely approaching. It seems like it's EVERYWHERE. But someting about this intro made my heart sink and I thought to myself "Kurt would hate this..."

And I think he would. I think all of THIS is what drove him to do what he did. But I digress, that's not the point of this entry.

While I was in the shower thinking about how the anniversary is just a few days away...today's date hit me like a ton of brinks. April 2nd. April 2nd?! This is MY anniversary. 10 years ago today, I saw Pearl Jam play for the very first time.

For those unknowing readers, Pearl Jam is the band that tugs on on my heartstrings. I've grown up with them, I've traveled the country to see them, and it is because of them that I love music so very much.

I was merely 14 years old, and that December I had been to my very first concert--Nirvana. That show got the ball rolling and by early spring I was addicted to the "grunge" thing with Pearl Jam leading the pack. By the time I heard about the show in Atlanta tickets had already sold out. But I *HAD* to be at that show.

I didn't know then how truly taboo it is in the Pearl Jam world to buy tickets from a scalper. That was the only option I thought I had. And after much convincing, my Mom bought 2 tickets, 25th row at The Fox theatre to see Pearl Jam play (for $350).

I was ecstatic. The buzz was all over school. People in my little bitty town in Alagama didn't go to HUGE concerts...certainly not ones in Atlanta. My best friend was going with me and we'd pass notes back and forth counting down the days.

The details are blurry now, but I do know that I was a nervous wreck by the time we got to Atlanta. I had my first panic attack hours before the show. I couldn't move..I couldn't breathe..I couldn't talk. I was a mess! Mom dropped my friend and I off at the concert. I had on blue jean shorts, a black t-shirt, a flannel shirt wrapped around my waist, and my green converse on. I had spent HOURS trying to figure out what to wear. I had to be "cool"! What a dork! =D ha! We walked around the corner and into The Fox and every ounce of anxiety disappeared. I was THERE. I was IN. And it was the coolest thing I'd ever done. EVER.

I had NO idea when we got the tickets that The Fox was THE Fox. I didn't know it was so grand and classic and beautiful. It was such a perfect venue---especially for my first Pearl Jam show. It was a grand entrance into what my life would become.

That night I saw people I'd never seen before...people smoking pot...partying..drinking beer. The sheer excitement alone had me on my own little high. We ran into...and I mean literally...Lars Ulrich from Metallica. I just looked at him funny thinking to myself "I know you from somewhere.." I didn't figure it out till about week later when I saw his face flash on MTV.

I don't remember a ton about the show. I remember the lights...the orange lights...and how they held every ounce of my attention the entire show. I remember Eddie spitting a lot during the set....I thought that was SO gross. I remember them playing songs I'd never heard before. And I remember the butterflies that were fluttering through my stomach the entire two hours.

When it was over...my heart sink. Please...don't be over. I never wanted those moments to end. I wanted to stand there in The Fox and watch them play...forever.

I'm not sure I've experienced happiness as pure as the happiness I experienced that night, since then--and I'm not sure I ever will.

It was a defining moment in my life. It opened the doors of live music--the experience, the sounds, the emotions. And I know that what I experienced that night is why I have such a profound connection to live music. I can listen to a CD all day...but until I feel that music throughout every inch of my body....I can't really know it.

And that night, I got to know Pearl Jam...intimately.

The next night I was at home and on Cloud 9. Pearl Jam aired the second night at The Fox on radio stations nationwide. That night I sat in front of my stereo with my eyes closed and relived every moment.

And that week, when I returned to school everyone was envious. I told them all of the adventure and how amazing it had been. I smiled and smiled and smiled. It took a long time for the buzz to wear off...actually, I don't think it has yet.

In 10 years I've seen 36 Pearl Jam shows. I've been front row, I've been backstage, I've met Eddie and Mike. All the things I dreamed about when I was 14, I've now experienced. You would think after all of that, going to a PJ show wouldn't be that special to me. But it is. Whatever happened 10 years ago at The Fox was magical...and that magic continues every time I see them play live. When I see the lights dim and the guitars begin to roar and that voice begins to growl...I still get chills. I love that band. I love that music. I just can't say that enough.

On my way home from work, I turned on the radio to hear Pearl Jam blaring from my speakers. 99x is having a Smells like the 90s weekend. All 90s all weekend and tonight they're giving away "the exclusive 10 year anniversary cd of the legendary Pearl Jam show at The Fox." Even they are celebrating this anniversary. They were there for the magic. And they're recognizing it. Killer!

I intend to clean clean clean all weekend with the music I was listening to 10 years ago blaring in the background. And I'm sure even when I'm scrubbing the floors, I'll have a grin on my face.

Light Years is playing on the radio right now.

Convenient??

2004-04-01T13:57:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a long time my dating life is non-existent. Why? Cause I'm not in the mood. I'm not in the mood to go on these cheesy dates and talk about cheesy things and smile and be cute and happy and perky. I'm in me mode. And as self-centered as that may sound...I'm content with me.

I'm learning all this web page stuff, I'm working hard and nurturing the friendships I have here in town.

One of those friendships IS with a boy. He and I used to work together and later started partying together. It started out as drunken make out sessions. Which I was totally okay with. He was cute and fun...Not really boyfriend material...But fun nonetheless.

When I first moved back to Atlanta and had my Welcome Back party, he was there and of course at the end of the night I ended up in the bed with him. That night we kissed for hours and for the first time, we slept together. The next morning he cuddled me and we laughed and talked. It wasn't weird at all.

Being that we both had new jobs, we really didn't see each other again for a while. We'd talk and chat but we hadn't been face to face since that night. One night he called and wanted to hang out. I knew what that was about..but I was game. So he came over and it WAS weird. It was like we were married. We weren't drinking and giggling...we were watching TV and talking and cooking food. It was as if suddenly, we'd fallen into the routine of an old married couple. That night when it was time for bed he stayed over and of course we had sex. That too was weird.

Life got in the way once again and despite frequent phone calls we haven't seen each other since. But last night he called and wanted to make plans. Plans for what? I wasn't sure. Did he want to play the married couple game again? I don't think so. It seemed like he wanted to go out...to dinner and out for drinks. To a movie...anything. I told him I was free all weekend and to give me a call. I'm not holding my breath...but it may be nice if he does. I hung up...feeling weird...again.

So my question is...what is this about?? Are we sex buddies? hmm...no. Cause it's not really like that. Are we trying to date? lol NO! Then what are we? Friends? Is it possible to be real friends when sex is involved? And not consider it a booty call situation? I know people talk about emotions being involved...but this time, I am truly emotionless about it.

It's almost as if we're both in the same place in life. We're both working hard, we have our careers going, we're both truly content being single...but every once in a while we've gotta let the hormones run free.

I found out he moved just 2 exits away from me. Maybe our little routines will become routines with each other. Who knows where it'll go. For now, I'm just going with it.

Let's talk about Sex Ba-by!

2004-03-31T20:26:00.000-05:00

I've been researching blogs for the past...oh I dunno..2 HOURS?! Who knew this blogging thing was so HUGE?? It's discouraging. Although this site is for me, I do enjoy having readers...and ones that come back for more!

SO, I've signed up with just about every blog listing site on the net. Hopefully I'll get some hits that way.

I also found 2 very interesting sites that I think could be fun! Since my love life is so very dull at the moment...I think this should spice things up. The first is Sexy Saturday...and every Saturday they post a new sex-related question. Hey, nobody here knows me, my name and face are protected--why not I say!?! The other is pretty much the same thing...it's called Dirty Questions. I'll be checking those sites tomorrow and hopefully I'll be posed a super juicy question to answer for all of YOU! =)

I'm off to watch The OC and pretend my life is that cool.... one day my friends...one day...=)

April Fools!

2004-03-31T09:29:00.000-05:00

My favorite holiday, by far, is April Fools Day. I'm such a tricker and this holiday just screams fun for me.

It just about slipped up on me without me noticing. Mom reminded me last night "Your favorite holiday is here...do you have big plans?" She's prepared. Too many times in the past I've gotten her GOOD! One year I came in with a big bandage on my back only to reveal a fresh tattoo. She didn't even flip! She thought it was cute!! Of course after about 30 minutes of closer inspection she realized it was fake and jumped all over me. Another year when we were in Vegas I told her I'd won $400 playing black jack but that my purse was stolen with all of the money, my ID, etc. inside! Needless to say she wasn't happy then either. So this year, she's just waiting for my big prank. I think this year my prank will be not to prank her--ha! That'll teach her to be prepared for my wrath!

But I have to prank someone, so this year I think my two best friends and my ex are gonna be the center of attention. I already have a plan. We're going to have to see how it plays out. I intend to tell them that I got an invitation from one of the guys I was dating in California to move back and live with him. Tell them he's ready to take it to the "next level" That he's already found me a job and wants us to move into the penthouse at his apartment complex. I'm going to make it sound like something I couldn't pass up. They know I already have a wild hair...and they know that this boy is in love with me...and they know I desperately miss California. I see them falling right into my little trap. hahahahaha....I'm an EVIL...evil friend.

My two best friends...they're probably gonna take this really seriously. They're gonna analyze the situation. Give me pros and cons. And tell me not to go because they'd miss me dearly.

My ex, well I don't know what kind of reaction I'm going to get out of him. He's met this guy and doesn't like him--at all. So he could go either way. Actually, his reaction is the one I am most interested in seeing.

The thing is...this isn't much of a prank really. There IS a boy in California that is in love with me. And if I told him tomorrow that I was moving back he'd happily open his home to me and help me get a job in any way possible. Lately he's been freaking me out with conversations about children and marriage and homes in Newport Beach... But I'm not going there...I'm not doing that. He's a wonderful man. He is caring and kind and loving. And I know he'd treat me like a queen. But as that old saying goes...be careful what you wish for...it just might come true. And with him...it did. I'm sure I asked for a man just like him a million times and when I got him...he drove me insane. Ahh...that is life. So funny how it works. =)

SO, all of you...start thinking! The big day is less than 24 hours away!

Yikes!

2004-03-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

Be careful what you wish for...

They're taking out my wisdom teeth NEXT Friday! I made the appointment for the surgery today.

Yikes!

Get it over with!

2004-03-30T12:50:00.000-05:00

It's no surprise to me that my day has already been full of drama. I just wonder if I create it...or if it's just what is intended for my daily life.

When I was 17 they told me I needed my wisdom teeth out, and now at nearly 25, I still haven't done it? Why? Because I'm scared to death of surgery. I know, I know..it's not a big deal. Everyone tells me that. But for this little surgery virgin..it IS a big deal!

Every once in a while those suckers give me some major pain! I load up on advil and whine and gripe and am generally in a bad mood. And just about the time when I'm fed up enough to go to the doctor...it eases up and goes away.

But this morning, I woke up to a different wisdom tooth pain. It wasn't the TEETH that were hurting..it was my jaw! I could barely open my mouth. Eating my cereal was completely painful. Very very uncool.

So, I was fed up enough this morning to start researching oral surgeons. EW!
I called my mom to get a few sympathy points...and didn't get it at all. All I got from here was annoyance. To her it sounded like $2,000 coming out of her pocket and the stress of having to deal with me being down for a few days. I got off the phone with her completely upset. I needed my mommy and she wasn't pampering me.

SO, I buckled down and called my insurance company. Mind you, I have no dental insurance only medical. To my surprise, if the wisdom teeth are impacted, which mine are ( I think! ), my insurance will pay for it 100%! That took a HUGE weight off of my shoulders.

I called mom and without the thought of her having to pay $2,000 to get teeth jerked out of my head she was in a MUCH better mood and gave me my much needed pampering. Aww. I feel much better.

SO, this afternoon I have a consultation to get these teeth checked out. It's no surprise what they're gonna tell me "You need your wisdom teeth out.." Duh! The bigger question is...WHEN!? Hey..I have nothing to do this weekend!

Day Dreaming...

2004-03-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

If I could be anywhere right now...I'd be in San Diego--Ocean Beach to be exact. I'd walk down to the beach and find a clear spot without any sea-weed or flies. I'd dig my chair in to the sand and lay it back.

And I'd sit.

Enjoying the ocean...the sound and smell. Basking in the glowing sun...feeling it's heat warm me from the cool Pacific breeze. I'd watch the people fishing from the pier and the surfers trying to catch a wave. I just might get lucky and see a few totally rip and I'd smile and cheer them on.

When the loud planes fly over head, close to the ground, descending into the airport downtown, I wouldn't complain. I'd daydream about all of the places the people onboard have been...what they've seen and what they did. Or, I'd ignore the planes all together.

As the sun started to fall into the ocean I'd cherish the last moments of sunlight. I'd watch the big glowing sun disappear behind the waves and then walk to one of the many bars that line the ocean's edge. My skin would be sticky with sweat...my hair tied in a knot on my head..bathing suit covered in sand and I'd plop down at the bar and order a nice cold beer.

I'm sure there'd be an array of "beach bums" and surfers lining the bar. One would comment on my accent no doubt...and even though I'm from Alabama they'd call me a Georgia peach the rest of the night. There would be laughs and smiles. And it would be the perfect end to the perfect day on the beach.

If I could be anywhere right now...that's where I would be.

It amazes me that I lived that life and didn't relish in the experience. I'd give anything to do it again...right now.

My new home...

2004-03-28T19:32:00.000-05:00

Hi friends and new acquaintances! Welcome to Groove, the newest hippiest blog on the scene. =)

I've been blogging for a while but wanted more freedom to be creative with my little blog-spot-of-the-world. SO I've found my way here, and I'm starting over. =)

Who am I? I'm a chick in her mid-twenties going through a major quarter life crisis. You'll find me ranting and raving about my career, the future, my hopes and dreams. As well, I'm a music freak so I'm sure there will be quite a few ramblings on the pop-culture happenings of the world. And I'm single...so there's that whole dating thing that I'm sure will be revealed here too! More importantly I'm fun...I love to laugh and smile...and hopefully I'll make you do that too! =)

I live in Atlanta, GA and despite a 6-month hiatus, I've been here for nearly 3 years. I grew up in Big-town, Alabama but generally consider Atlanta home. I am a traveling fool and have spent large amounts of time in San Diego, LA, Seattle, and NYC. And there were those four years of fun in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Those certainly won't be forgotten. I have a love-hate relationship with Atlanta. But doesn't everyone?

I have one nameless kitty, no boyfriend, lots of girl friends, a cute apartment, a southern accent, long brown hair, a white car, and an undying love for a tall man with a guitar strapped to his side. =) My life for the most part is pretty darn good--you'd think! =)

SO I think that's about all you need to know before I get started here. I'll fill in the details along the way.

Welcome to Groove...thanks for stopping by and I hope you come back!